I know, I usually write that there aren’t any monsters, that we often draw our battle lines with the false belief that “they” are so different, so wrong, and “we” are so different in our goodness, our right-ness. Republicans aren’t monsters, people who voted for them aren’t monsters, and neither are Democrats and the people who voted for them. (I could use any examples of enemies, but that one seems to always connect.)

Having said that, maybe Sean Combs, “Diddy,” is a monster.

We’ve all heard the story of his rise, lifestyle, and spectacular fall. We all know about the thousands of bottles of baby oil and “freak offs.” We probably all wish we didn’t.

I love documentaries, and there are several on Diddy. Last week, I finally watched the one on Max. You might have thought I’d have watched one before now. I would have thought that. It has most of the elements I instinctively move towards: culture, excess, media, image, lies, absurdity.

It also has violence against women; manipulation, sexual assault, rape, abuse, perceived power dynamics, and lives ruined simply because some animal thinks they can/are entitled to.

As my instincts pointed me, my soft heart and nausea led me away. I finally did watch it, and I’m very sorry I did.

I’m not too interested in this story. A self-obsessed maniac who preys on those he deems weaker than, less than, him is pretty boring. There have been countless before him, mostly all the same. There isn’t one thing unique about P. Diddy. So, now I’m left wondering why I selected what I knew was abhorrent to me, what I knew would tear my soul & spirit to pieces. Why?

I guess we all do things that we know aren’t good for us. We eat food that isn’t healthy for us, and will make us sick. We stay in jobs & relationships that crush us. We keep pushing on our bruises, and tonguing the sores on our gums. And we watch details of the disgusting behavior of rappers.

There are a million psychological reasons to explain this, I’m sure. But I wonder, in this case, if they matter. Maybe it would be easy enough to simply say no and scroll on by the things that mean us harm. Sometimes, there doesn’t have to be a reason, or, I don’t have to know it. It can certainly help to know when & why I eat the foods and spend time with people that/who are mean to me, but is it really necessary?

I should have continued to watch episodes of The Residence or Reacher instead of this horror show. I sure will next time.