2026-01-06T13:28:36+00:00

At The Hollywood Bowl

January 6, 2026/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

It is my practice to listen to music while I write. This morning, the music is an entire Morrissey concert from the Hollywood Bowl on YouTube. [The opener was “The Queen Is Dead,” and now, it’s “The Last of The Famous International Playboys.”] This was a very good decision.

You see, I woke up on the metaphorical wrong side of the bed. I just wrote an apology email to the Angel, for my attitude. Nothing happened, specifically, just an overall tone that didn’t feel…

[A quick note: he’s playing “Ganglord” now, which is a b-side and a very pleasantly surprising inclusion in a live show.]

…didn’t feel great. Do you know when you have a t-shirt on and throw a sweater over it, and the sleeves of the t-shirt get twisted and bunched? Like you still have a t-shirt and sweater, maybe nobody else knows what’s gong on underneath, but you’re constantly fidgeting because it’s just not quite right, a little off? That’s what it felt like, and I assume my unease was communicated to her. I am mostly incapable of hiding anything, every thought and emotion is worn on the outside, so that seems a fair assumption.

[“The National Front Disco.” I recognize that Morrissey can be somewhat problematic, but so is everybody, if you read certain perspectives. Admittedly based upon nothing but his lyrics and older interviews, I happen to not believe any of the racism allegations against him. He’s not problematic in the least to me.]

Last night, I told her that I am the most authentic person she knows (this was half-joking and with context, not just an odd random statement). This is probably true, and not always anyone’s favorite characteristic. I used to be sort of a human chameleon, trying to fit into whatever you wanted me to be/say/do/think.

[His shirt is off and an audience member has a souvenir.]

But the more time I spent in the Bible, the more I learned to value honesty. If God doesn’t want my pretending, faking the “right” answers, and if I was willing to expose my true heart to Him, then I could to everyone else, too. And so many relationships stall because of an unwillingness to relate in any real, transparent way, I decided not to be the unwilling obstacle anymore.

[He’s just given the microphone to a woman in the 1st row, who is thanking him. That’s interesting. Now, “The Boy With The Thorn In His Side.”]

Of course, it’s not always been easy or simple, and has caused it’s own fair share of relational strife. This kind feels much better, though. The way I figure it, if you’ll have a problem with me, it’ll be with me, not some silly construct or mask I’ve chosen to wear. It has led to many emails like the one I just wrote. She’s a very good woman, and forgives easily. Maybe that’s what marriage is all about, choosing to love each other enough to truly forgive, almost on a continual basis, to where it’s natural and instinctual. You are you and I am me, and we are here, together. Maybe forgiveness like this is the most obvious indicator of a healthy selflessness.

This has been a strange post, I don’t know what I’m trying to say, if I’m trying to say anything. This concert is so good, I’m still awfully tired, but my spirit is noticeably lifted. Beauty has a tendency to do that. Maybe if we all had more beauty in our lives, things would look much different than they do now. If world leaders would spend a moment reading books and listening to great albums, maybe we’d not be in such a constant, overwhelming mess. If we all listened to The World Won’t Listen before we left the house, I bet we’d start to find ourselves predisposed to kindness, that love would be our default setting.

[“Disappointed.” Nice. And “I’ve Changed My Plea To Guilty.” He sounds as good as I have ever heard him. The Smoking Popes have a song lyric, “I don’t know if you saved my life, but you changed it, that’s for sure.” That’s exactly how I feel about this person on my tv. I don’t know who I’d be today, if I’d be today, but I sure wouldn’t be who I am. I am grateful to be here. “Everyday Is Like Sunday.”]

I guess what I really think, in the deepest parts of me, is that this life doesn’t have to just be anything, that it can be what we make it. We get to choose what we see & hear (what we search and select on YouTube), and we get to choose our output just as easily as our input. And maybe we could be the ones creating the beauty that begins to unwind the chaos that currently defines, replacing the noise with the truly inspired chords and melody that we’d all love to hear.

Occasional Lapses

December 29, 2025/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

“The only constant is change.” This quote is attributed to Heraclitus, a Greek philosopher from Ephesus in roughly 500BC (if the AI is to believed), who also said one of my favorite maxims, “You cannot step twice into the same river twice.” He was called “the dark,” and “the obscure,” was arrogant and depressed, a “misanthrope who was subject to melancholia.”

A misanthrope is “a person who dislikes, distrusts, or has a general contempt for humankind, seeing deep flaws in human nature, behavior, and society, often leading to cynicism or antisocial tendencies, but they can still have normal relationships with individuals. Rooted in Greek for “hating mankind,” misanthropy involves a strong negative moral judgment of humanity as a whole, viewing people as selfish, flawed, and inherently bad, though they may not hate every single person.”

I don’t think you can step in the same river twice, it’s different and so are you. I think change is the only constant. I am depressed. But I am certainly not a misanthrope. If you’ve read anything I’ve written before, you know how much I like you. I like everybody. I do not distrust you, or have a general contempt for humankind. In fact, I think we’re mostly trustworthy (with occasional lapses), caring and positive (with occasional lapses). We are, of course, selfish and flawed, and the “occasional lapses” are sometimes more than occasional, but that, as they say, is the cost of doing business.

The question we all have to answer is, “what kind of world do we want to live in?’ And, are we living in that world? If we want to live in a kind, loving world, are we kind and loving? If we want a world of integrity and honor, do those words describe us? In a very well-known passage of the Bible, we’re told “love keeps no record of wrongs.” If we want to live in a world based in/on love, are we throwing our ledgers out?

What made an impact on me, when I was at my most cynical, was another, related question, was my distrust making me happier? Or, better, was my distrust insulating me from the pain of betrayal, of broken trust? This is like the perspective, “I’m not getting my hopes up.” Is that helpful? If you try not to “get your hopes up,” (if that were actually possible), does the disappointing thing hurt less? And I found that answer to be, no. My cynicism wasn’t protecting me, at all. It was just making me lonelier.

So, now I trust everybody. I start from the position of grace, where we begin with an A on the first day of class, and go from there. Obviously, not everyone deserves an A and behaves in a C or D or F manner, but if we’re honest, so do I. And then, the world I want to live in is one of forgiveness, so I do that. (I try to do that.) And yes, of course, I get disappointed when my trust isn’t rewarded. Not everyone can, or should, be trusted, but how can you tell the difference? Most of us have occasional lapses, does that make us dangerous? Or human? Do we think that our last worst moment defines us? Do we want it to? Then, why would we use that criteria for everybody else?

What about wisdom and boundaries? Every now and then, people are toxic and lose their access to me. But I don’t lock that box anymore. They can climb out and are free to step into a new reality… maybe it’s not with me, but it’s not for me to decide what they’ll do. It’s only up to me to decide what I’ll do, and everything has gotten exponentially better since I started seeing with these new eyes, and feeling with this new heart.

My new year’s resolution is to remember to see and feel with these new eyes and heart, remember to start from the position of grace, remember to love unconditionally, without the occasional lapses.

A New Story

December 23, 2025/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

My favorite album of all time is The Queen is Dead, by the Smiths. Number 2 is Fumbling Towards Ecstasy, by Sarah McLachlan. And 3rd is August & Everything After, by Counting Crows. (I only allow myself 1 album from the Smiths or Morrissey. It’s the same logic when I make a list of favorite songs. I probably like all Morrissey songs more than I like “I Remember You,” by Skid Row, but that feels against the spirit of the list, so I set a limit and move forward. The song I put at #2 is “I Can’t Help Myself,” by Gene, and it might be in the top 10, top 20 for sure, if i included all of the songs, but it would really be only one of 2 or 3 non-Morrissey/Smiths in the top 100 or so. Anyway.)

There’s a Counting Crows documentary on HBO now that is so great. If you haven’t seen it, you need to watch it immediately.

I don’t know what to say now. Do I tell you about it? About the SNL performance? About the backlash? About Adam Duritz’s mental illness? I don’t want to tell you about any of those things, but I don’t know what to write.

We can’t describe the best art; we can talk about style, subject, technique, but they don’t ever do the piece justice. We can get an idea or what it is, or what it means, but it’s still just an obvious inadequacy. It’s like if I tell you what it’s like to kiss the Angel. There just aren’t words.

If you listen to a live recording of “Round Here,” maybe you’ll understand what is so deeply important about this band. Maybe don’t read the lyrics first, and certainly not while you watch – they’re perfect, but without his voice and the band and the moment where the guitars and drums and “she must be tired of something,” much is lost. A live band is different from a record.

This reminds me of a church service. Yes, you can watch it on YouTube or read the sermon transcript, but you’ll miss the urgency and the crackling energy of the message and God’s hand on your heart.

I guess what I mean is that you have those spaces that really matter. At least, I hope you do. I suspect that we, as a culture, are moving away from authentic connection and experience. Driving a car in a video game is not driving a car, and I think we’re starting to believe it is.

And I guess what I’m trying to ask is if you’d please see someone in person, show up, hold someone’s hand, kiss your wife or your husband. And not just send a kissy emoji. Life can be the most wonderful (of course, it can also be the worst, but so is everything), and this is a season that is inviting us into a new story, but it’s a story that has to be lived.

I hope, this year, we all choose to live it.

This Morning

December 15, 2025/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

This morning, the school was operating on a 2 hour delay, which means the Angel was operating on a 2 hour delay. I still woke up early, though, because my son was driving to work, and I like to see him before he goes every morning, especially so when it might be dangerous. I pray and wait for him to text when he arrives. (He did, safely, despite a few “hairy” moments.)

Usually, I would go to the gym early and be back before the Angel’s alarm, but not today. My youngest son is home from college and wanted to work out with me, so I had a few hours to kill.

While I stayed under the electric blanket, waiting, I turned on a documentary called A Glitch In The Matrix. The idea is that we are living in a simulation. It’s too much to explain here – if you care what scientists, theorists and “iconoclasts,” think about it, you should totally watch it. An iconoclast, incidentally, is “someone who attacks cherished beliefs, established institutions, or traditional ideas,” like someone who says the truth of our reality is like the plot of a ‘90’s Keanu Reeves action film.

I kept wondering if this was a ‘work,’ if an iconoclast’s attacks on the status quo are genuine, or simply trolling. Do these people truly believe that the Wachowski brothers, then, sisters, now had figured out the mysteries of existence? It’s much like how I feel watching politicians – do they believe these words/ideas/policies, or are they just shape-shifting to meet or challenge others?

If it’s all a work and I’m on board with their philosophy, am I the butt of the joke? Am I the one who is dangerous, who will believe anything, who will blindly follow any charismatic charlatan? But then, on the other hand, what if we are living in a simulation like the Matrix and my suspicious hesitation is holding me back from…well, what? Is the revolution waiting for me? Would anything change for me, if my life isn’t “real?” What is “real?”

Now. As it turns out, my son decided not to go to the gym with me, and I was disappointed. Who made him decide not to go, and who made me disappointed? Was it as simple as the two of us? Or was it a member of an advanced civilization that created our earth?

To be honest with you, I didn’t understand many of the sentences in the film. It was like word salad, or Mad-Libs, so maybe I could’ve gotten the joke or the sincerity if I was more intelligent. Maybe that’s why I’m the perfect drone, because I’m too dumb to break out of the construct.

So, would anything change for me if I placed my faith in this theory? A guy in the documentary detailed the murder of his parents that he committed, because he was convinced this all wasn’t real and that he was Neo, or like Neo, or just wanted to join the resistance with Neo. I wouldn’t do that, I can comfortably tell you that. Honestly, I can’t think of one thing that would change about my life. Whether these fingers, toes, and thoughts are my own or extensions of an alternate puppetmaster, I’m still going to get up and try to love 2 people today.

That’s my Pyramid Scheme of Love: I love 2 people, those 2 people love 2 people each, those 4 people love 2 each, and on and on. You love it, right? It’s a terrific idea, and the only way we can change this world into the sort of world we’d want to live in.

.Or maybe it’s not mine. And maybe the only way is to revolt and force our techno-oppressors to change it for us.

Fantastic

December 9, 2025/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

I didn’t go to the theater to see Fantastic 4: First Steps, because the MCU has inexplicably made the decision to abandon the beauty and depth of its first phases, and focus instead on mindless cash grabs and insulting their audience. I thought maybe the She-Hulk series and, especially, the 4th Thor movie, Love & Thunder (which I refuse to acknowledge as artwork), would end my relationship with Marvel. It didn’t, but I no longer go to see them opening weekend (or in theaters at all).

I’ve watched this new Fantastic 4 movie 3 times now, and I love it more each time, and I know exactly why.

First, Galactus is the villain, but that’s not the point. The inter-planetary threat is just the context for characters and relationships. This is what set the first 20ish MCU movies apart. It was never about CGI and superpowers. We cared so much because their concerns were ours – love, friendship, courage in the face of adversity, perseverance, egotism, the always present choice between selfishness and selflessness, and the impact we can have upon our worlds. The rest was just the device for this very vital human expression. So, yes, Galactus was cool, but whatever.

We fall in love quickly with the 4 and this new baby. Their concerns are relatable and heavy. Will this baby change us, our marriage? What about our careers, will/can we keep the same commitment to several places at once? Will our values transform, and if they do, what does that look like? When everything changes in a moment, how do we put it all back together, if we decide to put it back together at all? And what role do our families & communities have in that?

The only other one I’ll talk about is the world they inhabit, an earth that is not ours. A world where the people are empathetic, kind and helpful, where an angry mob can listen to Sue Storm and have their perspectives immediately change, where all of the countries of the world can cooperate in a massive combined effort. These are all such foreign concepts to us. Can you imagine if a small group relays a message like this: A being is coming to consume the planet, we’ll figure it out. Then, when we have, you’ll have to trust us enough to turn your power off to conserve, and devote all of your money and energy to this end? HA! This is a world we’d like to live in, but that none of us can manage to work up the courage to go first to make it that way.

In the end credits for the Thunderbolts, it looked like the Fantastic 4 were coming here. They won’t have any idea what to do, it’ll be the culture shock of all culture shocks. They’ll find people who don’t seem to like each other at all, and a selfish disregard for everything that exists outside of a small personal circle. Now, I have no idea what is in the plans for the new direction of the MCU, they can build on the beauty of Thunderbolts and First Steps, or they could have a 2nd season of She-Hulk or, worse, bring Taika Waititi back for another movie. But maybe they could explore the differences between that earth and our own, maybe the next great battle is between our shared humanity and our inhumanity, manufactured from a deep well of fear.

I hope we win.

Kinds of People

December 1, 2025/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

In my line of work, I get the beautifully sacred opportunity to walk with many different people, in a vast sea of situations and experiences. At the same time, it is my favorite, and the worst, part of being human. I find myself wanting to help, giving time, energy, giving so much of myself to something in which I ultimately have zero control.

I have this theory, on how each of us approaches our own development/growth. (You should know, I love discussions like this: There are 2 kinds of people in the world, Beatles people and Stones people. Which one are you and why, what does that mean? Of course, it’s limited and overly simplistic, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t truth in it. So, as I go into this particular theory of mine, understand that this isn’t scientific in any way, unless you’d call the way I interpret my experience scientific…which, I suppose, you might. Who knows? Another thing: I believe growth is the natural inclination of everything, and anything that goes against this is uncomfortable because it’s fundamentally opposed to our creation.) Anyway, there are 4 kinds of people.

First, there are those who want to be coached. They like suggestion and direction. They want you to show them how to field a ground ball or hold a football. You can ask them to read a book or write in a journal or take 300 swings at a batting cage, and they will! This is the smallest group, of the first 3, by the way. They want to find a coach, and they are imminently teachable.

The second group is the largest, by a wide margin. These sojourners want to find the answer themselves. It is our business to create a safe space for them to ask and answer. They can brainstorm, try, rage, doubt, risk, be as wildly out there as they can, and they are able to wander. If you give them direction, maybe they will, but probably they won’t. They want to field a ground ball themselves. What they want is a padded room and the occasional guided question to explore themselves, to find themselves. They are motivated and will examine themselves, you are just there to allow their journey.

Next are those who DO NOT WANT TO GROW. I am here and here is where I’ll stay. If you give direction, like “read chapter 1 and we’ll talk about it,” they aren’t reading chapter 1. Let’s go field some ground balls… Nope. They say “I don’t know,” to nearly everything about themselves or their actions, and it’s true. They don’t, because it’s just too demanding to think about it. This often looks like regression, but it might only appear that way, because the world is moving forward, and THEY ARE NOT. Sometimes, they are aggressive in their complacency. Other times, they don’t care enough for aggression.

I said the 1st group was the smallest, and that’s mostly true. The fourth group is smaller, but since they’re monsters, they don’t count. Thankfully, there aren’t many of them. These people don’t want to grow, and they don’t want you to grow, either. They will sabotage and lie, anything they have to do to mislead you. This group exists in everything. They are dangerous and should be avoided until they are no longer so nasty and bent on everyone’s ruin.

Maybe there aren’t 4 kinds of people. Instead, there’s probably just one, and we move from group to group, depending on the circumstance and season. (Except the last, hopefully.) Sometimes, we’ll want a coach. Others, a space. And yet other times, we just want life and any sort of invitation or responsibility to LEAVE US ALONE. The only reason my silly theory is important is to know how to love each other on our separate paths, and contribute to each other’s discovery process without driving ourselves mad with frustration in the process.

Yes, this is just me writing. It feels different from the usual format these posts take, but it’s helpful to “talk through things out loud” to organize these thoughts, and figure out if they are really what you think and/or believe. This is my “safe space” to run.

Incidentally, as you can easily guess, I am a Beatles man, and it’s not close. I’m willing to listen to those who say The Rolling Stones aren’t ridiculously, hilariously overrated, but they’re wrong.

Panic!

November 24, 2025/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

Today, I’m listening to Panic! at the Disco (that strange, misplaced exclamation point is not a typo on my part – though it was dropped for the 2nd album, as they attempted to become the Beatles, and the Beatles didn’t have a strange, misplaced exclamation point. Then, when that album wasn’t as commercially successful, they brought that punctuation back for the rest of their existence. Maybe people just were disoriented & confused, maybe there were 2: Panic! At The Disco and Panic At The Disco, and we couldn’t like them both.

I don’t hate that 2nd album, Pretty.Odd, and in fact, it has one of the songs I listened to most for a several year span (according to my iPod), “Nine In The Afternoon.”

I know we aren’t supposed to love them, for some of the same reasons we aren’t supposed to love Fall Out Boy (pretense, ridiculous song titles, etc.), but whoever decides what we’re “supposed to” love is wrong. That person (or group, or board) is always wrong, incidentally. There is no such thing as a guilty pleasure.

Guilty pleasures are those things we like that we “shouldn’t” like, like the Bravo Network, Growing Pains, Matchbox 20, and cargo pants. Nonsense. If you happen to like ‘80’s Kirk Cameron (actually, if you happen to like ‘20’s Kirk Cameron, for that matter), then who is anyone to tell you you’re pleasure is misplaced or shameful? Cargo pants are the coolest and Mad Season is a GREAT album.

I recently discovered that Panic! At The Disco is problematic, and that might be a reason to move away from them. Apparently, they’ve been accused of being sexist, transphobic, homophobic, and/or racist. I think there might be more, but I didn’t go any further than the AI headline.

The truth is, I don’t know if I care.

I’ve asked a form of this question before. Does “Baby Be Mine,” by Michael Jackson, suffer under the weight of a mountain of allegations? Is the “Himself” stand-up special from Bill Cosby stained so badly that the jokes are no longer hilarious? What about Kevin Spacey and Seven or The Usual Suspects? And what are the transgressions that warrant a reconsideration of the artwork? I think Hemingway was a terrible person, now what? Brandi Carlisle was absolutely awful TO ME, personally, and that did totally change the way I hear her output. But that seems a little selfish, that it only counts if it happens to me.

I’m listening to the Vices & Virtues album right now, and if I was forced to decide now, I guess I don’t care. I can’t help from dancing (a completely involuntary response!!) to “Baby Be Mine.” Maybe that makes me a bad person. But I bet, if you listen to “Trade Mistakes,” you’d be a terrible person, too.

I think I do care, though. I want to care. I want to expect more of humanity, of my neighbors, of us. I want us to love and take care of each other. Is that too much to ask?

And is this similar to shopping at Walmart or buying Nike’s or anything from Shein? If we want our corporations to behave better, shouldn’t we withhold our money until they do? And wouldn’t that make sense to carry that into our record stores and theaters?

Is this what a guilty pleasure is? In that case, maybe it’s not so nonsensical, and maybe it requires even more thought. (But maybe that consideration shouldn’t happen while I’m dancing to Panic! records…)

2 Movies

November 17, 2025/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

Before we jump into the 2 movies of the title, I watched a documentary on the family of the Gilgo Beach serial killer (The Gilgo Beach Killer: House of Secrets). The big question is, how could they not know? Right?? And how could they remain oblivious to a monster in their home? Does that make them monsters, too? And how can the wife, Asa, still smile with hearts in her eyes, when his name is mentioned? How can she still take his phone calls from prison?

So, I asked the Angel. If I was arrested today for murdering a bunch of sex workers, and looked her straight in the eyes and said, “I didn’t do this. You know me, we’ve been married forever, I love you, and I did not do this,” was there any amount of evidence that would convince her otherwise? Her answer was, “well, I know you would never do any of those things, so…” And that’s probably what Asa thinks, too.

The questions I asked in the first paragraph are pretty condescending and arrogant. They all presuppose that this woman is so different from me, her family is so different from mine. Obviously, I am not a serial killer and The Angel’s answer was, ultimately, correct, but judgmentalism is born from that part of us that believes that we are somehow better than anyone else, and that’s simply not true. We’re all just human beings. What separates us from the darkness, the evil, of this murderer, this person (who is still a person, and not a monster, after all)? There’s a Morrissey song (“Sister, I’m a Poet”) that asks, “Is evil just something you are? Or something you do?”

Now that I think of it, most likely it’s this kind of thinking that allowed him to murder these women. He believed the work they did made them less than, so he could rationalize their deaths. He could not have been more wrong. These women were someone’s daughters, sisters, aunts, friends, beautiful and lovely human beings, created in the image of their Creator. This less than thinking will, likely, allow us to rationalize his murder, too.

[To be clear, I don’t think he should be out of prison. There are consequences. But maybe murder, in any context, should not be something we excuse.]

As I am writing, what I initially wanted to say has disappeared. I watched Fantastic Four: First Steps and Jurassic World: Rebirth and liked them both. Fantastic Four was pretty great, Rebirth was good enough. But now, I’m thinking, maybe we all take human life a little too lightly. Too many people died in each.

I don’t think we should put too much stock in desensitization. There’s no shortage of those who will tell us that watching movies where dinosaurs eat extras confuses us, to the point where we can’t tell the difference between Hollywood & our neighbors. I’m not convinced first person shooter games blur the lines between tv screens and reality.

BUT. It may make it easier to see some “characters” as sub-human, creating a system of levels where some are disposable. That categorization isn’t just in movies and video games. Our language and political perspectives, our questions, our societal norms and structures, build & reinforce this poisonous idea that some people are worth more than others.

When I watch these documentaries, I like them, they’re really fascinating. Over time, though, the de-valuation and subsequent violence to each other takes a heavy toll on my heart & soul. It hurts to see so many tears, so much anger and hurt and insecurity and fear. Any time someone has the need to bully, cut, condescend and ultimately dehumanize another, we all know it comes from a deep fear at his/her own inadequacy, and until we address this root cause, we’ll keep producing more and more of the same horrific documentary fodder.

Maybe it’s time we stopped.

Do I?

November 12, 2025/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

This is a post I wrote for my other website (bridgefaithcommunity.com). It’s a specifically, explicitly spiritual blog – very little full posts on Morrissey or the MCU. I am sharing it here, exactly as it appears there, because both sites have different circles of readers, and I want to share it with you, too. I am on a path, and I am grateful for this path. Maybe you’ll understand and like it. Here you go:

I behaved abysmally this morning. Now, what exactly happened isn’t important, but that it happened is. Poor behavior mostly all comes from the same place, and I am no different. I read a book that suggested that those times when we get ourselves into trouble stem from a clever acronym of emotional states: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, And T (I don’t remember what the T stands for…Tired!! That’s it!). HALT: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. I am currently a combination of all of those, and the book used its clever acronym to ask us to halt, instead of making a mess. I did not halt; I made a mess.

[I hesitate to write this post, because it’s very possible to read these posts and miss the meaning. I am not fishing for encouragement, do not need cheering up. This is different from reading a post written by someone you don’t know personally. You are beautiful, you deeply care for me, and may feel concern. I am ok. I would reach out, if that were not the case. This is not simply an overshare, I do have a specific reason for writing, and oversharing just provides the context;) You’ll see why I am ok, at the very end. Now.]

I do not behave abysmally very often, anymore. Honestly, this morning was wildly out of character, surprising me and the other involved parties. It is not a lifestyle, I didn’t recognize myself at all. It was an embarrassing momentary catastrophe, and will have virtually no long-them effects (except in my own head & heart).

That’s not an excuse – I have no excuses, and don’t need any. But it is important, because how we respond to ourselves and our actions depends on if it is a sin, or a lifestyle of sin. Did we fall in a hole, or are we choosing to jump in that hole and live there? I fell. Now what?

Sometimes, we encounter mirrors that contain an important question about our beliefs and values. We say we believe these things, do we really? Do I?

If you were to relay the same story to me, if our roles were completely reversed, I would tell you how loved you are. I would not judge, I would acknowledge the punishment you had already inflicted on yourself, recognize your contrite repentance, immediately forgive, and encourage you to give you a break and move forward. I would do all of these things, because I whole-heartedly believe Romans 8, that there’s no condemnation in Christ Jesus, that God takes our sins as far as the east is from the west, and remembers them no more. I think He accepts our repentance with joy, seeing growth and a heart that wants to beat for Him (even if it sometimes can’t help to beat for itself, with disastrous consequences.) And I think He asks us to love each other in the same way. I would recognize the roots (the HALT situation) and try to address those, together.

I believe those same truths apply to me, too. That is my theology. And when I come upon this mirror of conviction that asks if my theology is my application, is my practice, I wonder what my answer is. Do I? And do I so much that I would continue to work to undo an entire lifetime whipping myself with my self-loathing. When faced with cracks in my character, can I have grace for me, too? Are they actually cracks, at all? Can I move forward as a new creation, forgiven from my human fragility, and made holy, in Him?

The mess I made took about 5 minutes, beginning to end, but it only took 3 seconds to be sorry about it. Right at the start. The rest of the 5 minutes was an apology and explanation, an attempt to halt, call timeout and come back in to shore, back home.

The lie says that the mess is me, and the rest of my whole life is the illusion, a construct that was bound to fall at some point, that I could only fake for so long, and the real me would eventually emerge. The truth is that these holes we all fall in, from time to time, do not change our identity. I am not perfect, I was never supposed to be. I am a work in progress, He is transforming me every moment, every day.

It’s sometime an attack to our ego to admit that we are still becoming, that we have not arrived, that we don’t have it all perfectly together. But, attack or not, it’s true. So now what? What do we do?

I knew what I would do, and as I ran to Him by opening my Bible, I read a short line on Hezekiah in the book of Isaiah. A foreign power threatened him and his people, and he was afraid. (That was the lie he heard, all lies aren’t the same for each of us, not even the same for ourselves, at different times.) He freaked out, and immediately ran into the Temple in prayer. Me, too. I freaked out, and ran right into His arms, hoping He’d be merciful and tell me the Truth, about this, about me, and in that, most importantly, about Himself. I found just what Hezekiah did, that He is very willing to do that, over and over again.

I guess I’m not supposed to tell you any of this, I’m supposed to carefully cultivate a bulletproof image. Of course, I don’t struggle, don’t fall in any holes, am never hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. But what I could never get through my thick head is that, if I pretend to actually be that ridiculously dishonest image, I am saying it’s just you. I would be building false walls and blasphemous hierarchies.

We are all on this journey, to Him, WITH Him. Of course, we’re at different places. Someone is always further along. We’re just walking each other home. And I think we all have these holes, questions, and mirrors. It’s what we do when we face them that matters, that shows where our faith is, and if what we say is really what we believe. Probably, living a life of faith is just a series of steps closer to answering that question with a “yes.”

Cause Or Effect?

November 10, 2025/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

A very particular kind of person loves Morrissey and his first band, the Smiths.

In the neighborhood of 35 years ago, I worked at a renaissance faire, selling baked goods like breads, cookies the size of your face, and broccoli & cheese pocket sandwiches. That was not my favorite job, but I did get to work with my sister, and we were next door to a Filipino stand run by the coolest family you’d meet. I suppose they noticed how beautiful my sister is (it’s sort of easy to notice), and began to ingratiate themselves to her and her little brother. Back then, one way to do that was to make and give mixtapes – a cassette tape created with a nice variety of intentionally sequenced songs, 2 of which were “Interesting Drug” and “Suedehead.” These were amazing, sounding, feeling, being completely different from top 40 radio. Then, I quickly moved into the entire Smiths collection. (They had already broken up, by then, so I had the totality of their existence at my fingertips immediately.)

I would say these songs saved my life. Well, the Smoking Popes have a line, “I don’t know if you actually saved my life. But you changed it, that’s for sure.” So, maybe they didn’t save the life of that sensitive, insecure, depressed 15 year old, but he was sure different, afterwards.

So as I was listening to The World Won’t Listen (a Smiths album that is a little more like a greatest hit collection than a standard release) as a 50 year-old who is less depressed, hardly insecure at all, and perhaps even more sensitive, I was wondering something I wonder about a lot (and have probably written about several times before). I wonder if those songs had a giant hand in forging the me that I have become, or was I already predisposed to be this person, so I found the songs & artists that a me like me would love.

Did Morrissey find me or did I find him? Why do we love the things we love? Are we paving the roads to get to them, or is it like a toy train,where the only track we can drive leads to only one direction? Could I have heard The Queen Is Dead and decided that I’d rather listen to Warrant or Whitesnake, and if I had, what kind of person would I be right now? “Cherry Pie” and “Girlfriend In A Coma” are different, the Venn diagram is just 2 circles standing on opposite sides of the room, curiously regarding each other.

I know that there isn’t an answer, there is no way to tell. And probably it’s a combination, where the sort of person I am heard “Interesting Drug” on a mixtape from a cool Filipino and recognized myself, then listening to it hundreds, thousands, of times just reinforced those characteristics that make me so awesome.

I think those people who pretend that they are not influenced by advertising or external stimulation are either lying or deluded. No one goes to McDonald’s because the food is delicious, commercials have convinced us that it’s a cultural mandate, that we have to eat that garbage (which they have convinced us isn’t garbage at all, no matter how sick we get) to become the type of person that the corporations decide we all really want to be. My questions about Morrissey ultimately aren’t meaningful, but asking them is very important. If we decide that we want to be affected by pop singers or fast food marketers, that’s one thing, but too often, that choice is made for us and we’re too busy or distracted to know.

This isn’t ok. What if you wake up one day and find that you’re painting your face while Gene Simmons siphons all of your savings, charging a ransom to be a member of some silly “army?” Then how would you feel? The line between intention and manipulation is thin and fuzzy, maybe we could take a look around and make sure we’re exactly where we want to be.

Love With A Capital L

A journey towards living an inspired life of love in the modern world