This will probably be a little lengthy, and might get a little NC-17. We’ll start with the post I just wrote for the church site:

“In the 2nd chapter of Titus, the word sober-minded was used, and that doesn’t sound like too great of a catch phrase. No one is probably getting a “sober-minded” tattoo, or using it on their dating profile. We don’t throw it around easily in conversation, it seems like an adjective that was used often in the late 1800’s, and not much since. See? The Bible is hopelessly outdated, right?

But the term, as it was written, suggests a person that “knows the value of things,” and as I look around, live and breathe, I can’t think of a characteristic that is more necessary and less common. 

Have you ever reached out to someone about something that is heavy, that is taking a toll on your heart, that is painful or wildly significant, that we aren’t meant to carry alone? It’s an unbearably vulnerable space, and we wait. Then, the person, obviously uncomfortable, makes a joke. Or answers their phone. Or changes the subject. Your authenticity is discarded and disrespected. That person, who made you so sorry you reached at all out and especially sorry you reached out to him/her, has no idea of the value of things.

Not only do they not know the value of the circumstance you entrusted to them, but they do not know the value of your open heart, not do they know the value of a human being. This last one is, sadly, the real loss. We treat each other as disposable, as means to ends, as items to be used, for what they can bring to us, instead of recognizing who they are for no other reason than who they are. We are, to each other, too often, tools. 

We have things to do and boxes to check. We have been sold the idea that our productivity is more important than our relationships. We have lost the value of things.

When I see people show up to weddings in t-shirts (a more and more common occurrence), I always shake my head. I speak to my boys of “time and place,” and now I know that I actually mean, “sober-minded.” A wedding is different than a ball game is different than bedtime. When we go to the gym and go through the motions, we have forgotten how extraordinary it is that we have been made in such a fantastic way that we are able to do these amazing things with our bodies. Instead of worship, it is a torturous obligation. When we kiss our wives or hold another’s hand without thinking, as simply routine, we have missed the value of this shocking intimacy. What could be more wonderful than the soft, slow, unhurried kiss of your beloved? Or more loving and trusting than another person offering their hand to you, searching for care and closeness? 

Right. We’re, of course, talking about Genesis 28:16, “Surely God was in this place, and I was unaware.” When we lose the value of things, we are consistently unaware. 

Last night, we drove an hour to what is likely to be the very last away high school basketball game for my youngest son. Do you know how many away games we’ve traveled to? A lot. Do you know how many times they were a nuisance? If that answer is equal to or greater than 1, we were ignorant of the value of things. 

I think the concept of “ordinary” is the language of a culture that does not know the value of things. Maybe Paul’s letter to Titus is exactly what we need. Maybe we need more “sober-minded” tattoos, so we can all remember kisses and away games, remember to be grateful, so we can remember to stay present and wake up to our lives and the overflowing blessings all around us.”

Now cover the kids ears. 2 days ago I heard the Warrant song, “Cherry Pie.” True, this isn’t a classic, in the sense that it is a particularly great song. But it is a classic in the sense that we all know it, you probably smiled when you read it, you probably can hear it in your head right now. It means exactly what you think it does, Warrant was never very subtle (not much of the hair band era was) or nuanced. Anyway, there is a line that says, “put a smile on your face 10 miles wide.”

I am a married man, so there is a physical act that my wife and I alone can enjoy (which is the subject of “Cherry Pie,” which is the reason we’re discussing it), and over the course of my life, I have seen, heard, read, and thought more about that act than almost anything. So, one of the things I notice is that there is a certain pressure to, um, finish, and without that… Well, wherever there is pressure, there is weight, which can steal focus and joy. We go somewhere else in our minds, our attention is split any number of ways.

When I marry couples, I give very strict instructions to not try to memorize their written vows. Write them down. Because a wedding is one of the most profound experiences of our lives, and if we drag along the pressure of memorizing the words, the ceremony ends and we discover that we remember little, if anything, of the moment.

The value of the thing Jani Lane of Warrant is singing about is not the finish, it is in the connection, intimacy, love, exclusivity, the dace between souls expressed through our bodies. It is selfless giving & receiving, it is pleasure, this blessing, and to reduce it to (roughly) 15 seconds of release is to miss the most significant parts. And if those 15 seconds don’t come (newsflash for those raised on popular culture and pornography: they don’t always, even in the best circumstances), we can feel other ways that don’t include 10 mile wide smiles. What a sad illustration of Genesis 28:16.

And another illustration of the modern lie: that we are only what we produce. That our worth is based entirely on our performance. That the value of things we have been taught since birth is hopelessly warped and twisted. Warrant had it right, maybe for different reasons than I think they did, but right nonetheless.

The point is to be there. Here. Now. Wherever we are, whenever we are. Whether it’s a cherry pie situation or church, tears or 10 mile wide smiles. This life we have been given is too beautiful to miss.