The site prompt is, ‘What could you do differently?” And I LOVE that question. It’s not what I’m going to write about today, but I imagine I will soon. Today, instead, it’ll be about 2 complicated documentaries that I recently watched.

A British Horror Story is the account of Jimmy Saville, a British celebrity for 40+ years. I don’t remember ever hearing his name, though I think that’s impossible. As you know, I am somewhat of a pop culture aficionado. Maybe I did, but not remembering someone as odd looking as Seville is equally impossible. That someone this unappealing was a star in a visual medium is quite unusual. Anyway, appearances aside, he was as odd and unappealing in his life, as well.

A woman who knew him guessed that she had never seen someone do as much good as he did. He had given years and years, with much fundraising and publicity, for English hospitals, detention spaces, and mental health centers. Of course, he also sexually abused the patients in those facilities, more than 400 formal counts. There’s that.

The Curious Case of Natalia Grace is far more difficult to explain. Natalia is a little person who is either 22 or 35 years old. Either she is a psychopath who tried to murder her adoptive parents without any cause whatsoever, or the victim of horrific physical violence. No one is particularly likable in this series, and it’s totally probably that no one is telling the truth. I haven’t finished all of it. Maybe there is a resolution in the end, but so far, the Angel and I change our opinion on who the real villain is each episode. Is there a villain? Are they all villains? Are they all victims, too?

Now that I’m on this, a really good friend saw the Dylan biopic (featuring the alleged, noted STD super-spreader and terrific actor Timothy Chalamet) and has been obsessed with listening to old records, while trying to reconcile the fact that Dylan was, perhaps, not the nicest person.

I went to see Morrissey in November, and walked around the hotel, wanting him to sign my t-shirt. But only sign my shirt. I don’t want to have a conversation with him, or sit down to dinner together. He and his music absolutely changed my life, but personally, he is widely known as holding many of the characteristics that I actively avoid in others.

This is why I wrote ‘complicated’ documentaries, earlier. People are rarely just one thing. The woman in the Saville doc was right, he did an amazing amount of good, for many people. And he was a complete monster. He, likely, did those good things for one reason: to gain access. All of this is true. In the Natalia Grace series, are they all victims, or are they all villains? Yes. Chalamet is an STD farm (allegedly) and a brilliant artist. Dylan was a genius and a jerk. Morrissey is both the guy you want to listen to on your headphones, and the one you don’t want to talk to in person.

I used to have a need to know which one. Things and people needed to be black or white. Heroes or heels. Good guys or bad guys. Dallas Cowboys or New York Giants.

One of my first idols was, baseball pitcher, Roger Clemens. His stats are nearly unparalleled, and he’s not in the Hall of Fame because he cheated, using truckloads of steroids, and is still lying about it. Now what? Is he the best, or the worst?

The truth is that the answer is neither. We’re all very complex, beautiful and flawed. We’re all capable of great evil and the most selfless love and kindness you’ve ever seen. The inmates in the scariest prisons are someone’s mommy or daddy, another’s son or daughter. I didn’t understood the phrase, “there but for the grace of God go I,” when I was younger. I sure do now.

This is why I watch these documentaries, to hold contradictions and complications, to care well for the flesh and blood people in my own life. To make me a soft place to land.