“The only constant is change.” This quote is attributed to Heraclitus, a Greek philosopher from Ephesus in roughly 500BC (if the AI is to believed), who also said one of my favorite maxims, “You cannot step twice into the same river twice.” He was called “the dark,” and “the obscure,” was arrogant and depressed, a “misanthrope who was subject to melancholia.”

A misanthrope is “a person who dislikes, distrusts, or has a general contempt for humankind, seeing deep flaws in human nature, behavior, and society, often leading to cynicism or antisocial tendencies, but they can still have normal relationships with individuals. Rooted in Greek for “hating mankind,” misanthropy involves a strong negative moral judgment of humanity as a whole, viewing people as selfish, flawed, and inherently bad, though they may not hate every single person.”

I don’t think you can step in the same river twice, it’s different and so are you. I think change is the only constant. I am depressed. But I am certainly not a misanthrope. If you’ve read anything I’ve written before, you know how much I like you. I like everybody. I do not distrust you, or have a general contempt for humankind. In fact, I think we’re mostly trustworthy (with occasional lapses), caring and positive (with occasional lapses). We are, of course, selfish and flawed, and the “occasional lapses” are sometimes more than occasional, but that, as they say, is the cost of doing business.

The question we all have to answer is, “what kind of world do we want to live in?’ And, are we living in that world? If we want to live in a kind, loving world, are we kind and loving? If we want a world of integrity and honor, do those words describe us? In a very well-known passage of the Bible, we’re told “love keeps no record of wrongs.” If we want to live in a world based in/on love, are we throwing our ledgers out?

What made an impact on me, when I was at my most cynical, was another, related question, was my distrust making me happier? Or, better, was my distrust insulating me from the pain of betrayal, of broken trust? This is like the perspective, “I’m not getting my hopes up.” Is that helpful? If you try not to “get your hopes up,” (if that were actually possible), does the disappointing thing hurt less? And I found that answer to be, no. My cynicism wasn’t protecting me, at all. It was just making me lonelier.

So, now I trust everybody. I start from the position of grace, where we begin with an A on the first day of class, and go from there. Obviously, not everyone deserves an A and behaves in a C or D or F manner, but if we’re honest, so do I. And then, the world I want to live in is one of forgiveness, so I do that. (I try to do that.) And yes, of course, I get disappointed when my trust isn’t rewarded. Not everyone can, or should, be trusted, but how can you tell the difference? Most of us have occasional lapses, does that make us dangerous? Or human? Do we think that our last worst moment defines us? Do we want it to? Then, why would we use that criteria for everybody else?

What about wisdom and boundaries? Every now and then, people are toxic and lose their access to me. But I don’t lock that box anymore. They can climb out and are free to step into a new reality… maybe it’s not with me, but it’s not for me to decide what they’ll do. It’s only up to me to decide what I’ll do, and everything has gotten exponentially better since I started seeing with these new eyes, and feeling with this new heart.

My new year’s resolution is to remember to see and feel with these new eyes and heart, remember to start from the position of grace, remember to love unconditionally, without the occasional lapses.