2025-07-10T21:00:44+00:00

Sprawling

July 10, 2025/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

The hosting site wants to know when I go to bed and when I wake up, and that seems kind of personal, doesn’t it? Early. I go to bed and wake up early. Anyway.

I’m reading a book called A Beautifully Foolish Endeavor, which is the sequel to An Absolutely Remarkable Thing, both written by Hank Green. I bought the first one on vacation last year, but only read it a few weeks ago, on this year’s beach trip. It looked & sounded good, but (and I recognize this is going to sound ridiculous) Hank Green is the author of very-popular young adult novels, the most famous, well known being The Fault In Our Stars, and I didn’t really want to read young adult fiction. See, ridiculous, right? Even more so when you find out…

I’ll tell you what I found out, but first let me tell you that, once I started Absolutely Remarkable Thing, I could not put it down. It’s so great. And the moment I finished it, on a quick Google search, I discovered there was a sequel and ordered it that second. I also discovered that JOHN Green is the young adult author who wrote Fault In Our Stars! HANK Green is his brother!!! I waited a year on a faulty conclusion of a wildly silly artificial obstacle.

Who cares if it was a young adult book??? Sheesh. Nobody. And if there is such a person, can you imagine the depressing lack of interest or engagement in his/her own life? Judgment is so dumb and boring.

The books are awesome, assuming this Endeavor sticks the ending. Even if it doesn’t, the last 100 pages can’t undo the brilliance of the previous 600. If I’d meet this Hank Green, I’d tell him. Maybe I’ll direct message him or something. Maybe I should also apologize to his brother for my foolish hang-up.

The books are about fame, social media, virtual reality, aliens, progress & scientific discovery, but mostly they’re about human connection and relationships. The books make me think of that ‘Bowling Alone’ idea that we explored months ago – more people bowl but less are in leagues. More of us bowl alone. At this particular part of the book, a new totally immersive virtual program has so thoroughly captured humanity, the economy is crashing because the businesses are suffering, also the churches (let’s not be so cynical for a little, and differentiate business from church) and parks. People are staying home, plugged into their headsets.

I know the internet is wonderful, full of promise and beauty. But there is a cost. There is a cost to everything. The only question is what we’re willing to pay. I think the scariest part of this is when we no longer see that question – either we don’t think we have a choice or we are so blind the avalanche of consequences. I can use my Amazon Music, and looove that they know me as well as they do. The mixes they choose for me are always right on. I get all sorts of new, cool songs that I would not otherwise find. But how do they know me so well? Because I’ve given my shopping history, search bar, emails, texts, instagram posts, these blogs, locations, social security and credit card numbers, mother’s maiden name, “my list” on Netflix, and birthdate in exchange. How could they not know me so well? And is it worth it for the Discovery Mix?

I guess it is, but the books ask, what if they (whoever ‘they’ are) want more and more? Will I know? Will I be able to say no?

A comic book villain named Mephisto was recently introduced in the MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe), who is based on the devil or Mephistopheles from “Faust.” He offers what a person wants the most in exchange for their soul. They almost never know he’s a villain. We might not even need a demon to tempt us, we might be only too willing to give our soul away to the next shiny technology. We might not be able to tell if it’s a villain, either.

Train Wrecks

July 7, 2025/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

Netflix has a series called Trainwreck, where it details certain cultural, um, train wrecks. The first one I remember seeing was Woodstock ‘99. It was fascinating, a nearly perfect documentary, and must have been well received, as it became a series. Woodstock ‘99 was a chimaera of greed, poor planning, ego – I could continue, but I guess it was just a chimaera of the lowest human experience. It was an account of our tendency to sink to Lord of the Flies (mis)behavior, if only given the opportunity.

I guess all of these Train Wrecks follow that same formula.

The Cult of American Apparel and the unfortunately named Poop Cruise are the newest additions.

Poop Cruise is exactly what it sounds like. A cruise ship set sail, with as many warnings as passengers, and once at sea, the electrical system burned up and left the floating skyscraper dead in the water. Apparently, the toilets on a cruise ship are somehow tied into the electricity, so when the engines & lights went out, so did the toilets. After a day or 2, the floors were covered in raw sewage. The doc is an hour long account of manufactured suffering. Carnival escaped catastrophic financial punishment by absolving itself from anything at all in the contract everyone signed. Some kind of utterly shocking “we are not responsible for safe passage, clean, working facilities or the food, in any way” rider that either no one read or believed.

American Apparel was a clothing company that was allegedly enormous in the mid-2000’s. I say ‘allegedly’ because I had no idea it existed. This is unusual, as I make it my business to know what’s going on in the popular culture. The ads were soft-core porn, the clothes were unremarkable, and the CEO Dov Charney is a psychopathic monster who assaulted (emotionally, verbally, sexually) everyone who happened to cross his path. He’s not a nice person, was fired after a mountain of horrific lawsuits piled up against him, and today works for Kanye West. That sounds about right.

Money is the American god, and business is our religion. If it pays, we’re in. We’ll excuse any, and all, means to those ends. Travis Scott’s AstroWorld disaster is the subject of another Train Wreck. People died at this concert, with almost no accountability. Apparently, much like the famous Spiderman meme where several Spider-men are pointing at each other, no one was in charge, no one was to blame. Safety was no one’s job. There wasn’t an adult in the room. And when it came time to get some answers, the only answer was cash, and as it turns out, that’s good enough for us. Oh well, it’s just human lives.

The shows are pretty depressing, to be honest. Mirrors often are. Is this really who we are? I have to believe we are not, even in the face of conflicting evidence, stories replayed on a loop, just with a different company logo and new shell game.

If learning about our history is the way to assure we don’t repeat it (and that’s what we’re always told, right? Those who don’t learn about history are doomed to repeat it, right? Maybe it’s true, I’ll take your word for it), then these Train Wrecks are public services. I’m imagining conference rooms full of CEO’s watching them, weeping and tearing their clothes, immediately overhauling their policy manuals, creating ethical, humane paragons of virtue. Probably, the reason we haven’t noticed this revolution is because it takes a while for the effects to reach the consumer. It should be any moment, now…

Helpful Lies

June 30, 2025June 30, 2025/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

Before we begin, I just want to state out loud how soul-crushing a salad can be. Even a “good” one. Today’s lunch was a pre-packaged apple walnut chicken salad. Maybe the “pre-packaged” was my mistake. Or maybe it was the apples or the walnuts or the feta cheese. Or maybe it just was nothing more than that it was a salad. I’m trying to make good choices with the things I put in my mouth (is a salad a good choice???)…baby steps.

I can be so disciplined in some areas of my life, while being a 6 year-old in others. I wonder how both can be true. I can go to the gym at 5am every day but I can’t seem to not eat the garbage that I know will make me sick. I don’t always like the gym, but it’s so much a part of me and what I do that I don’t even consider if I want to. But in the kitchen, I want, therefore I eat.

When you look up discipline, much of what comes up in definitions is related to punishment. That doesn’t seem like a truly transformative practice. People don’t usually make healthy changes from a negative posture, from the “Do/Don’t…or else,” school of thought.

This is what Wikipedia says: Self-discipline refers to one’s ability to control one’s behavior and actions to achieve a goal or to maintain a certain standard of conduct. It is the ability to train oneself to do things that should be done and resist things that should be avoided…Self-discipline can also be defined as the ability to give up immediate pleasures for long-term goals…Self-discipline is about one’s ability to control their desires and impulses to keep themselves focused on what needs to get done to successfully achieve a goal.It is about taking small, consistent steps of daily action to build a strong set of disciplined habits that fulfill your objectives. One trains themselves to follow rules and standards that help determine, coalesce, and line up one’s thoughts and actions with the task at hand. Small acts allow one to achieve greater goals. The key component of self-discipline is the trait of perseverance…Discipline is about internal and external consistencies.

I think Wikipedia is more right than the rest of the scholars out there. The root of discipline means “to teach,” but the root of punishment means “pain.”

I wonder what my problem is, using this definition as our guide. I do have the ability to train my oneself to do things that should be done and resist things that should be avoided. Maybe I don’t use it when it comes to Oreos, but it is something I have in my repertoire. Focus? I don’t have a disorder or anything. I can focus for long periods. Sometimes, though, my focus drifts to focusing on Oreos, and then that positive trait isn’t quite so positive. I can be very consistent. Maybe I lack perseverance? When I take personality tests, they always tell me I lack follow through. Is that the same? But as I get older, I follow through, maybe what they mean is that I lack the desire to follow through.

Wikipedia also says this: An action conforms to a value. In other words, one allows values to determine one’s own choices.

An action conforms to a value. That’s awesome. In many, many contexts. There’s a cliché, when people show you who they are, believe them. Because actions conform to values. Maybe I simply don’t value eating properly. Why not? I think I do.

But when the couple comes to me and the boy says, “I love her, I just treat her like trash sometimes,” we all know the action supersedes the hollow words. He doesn’t love her, at least not in any meaningful way, not in any higher definition of love. He loves how she makes him feel, or the idea of her, or the idea of being with someone, or whatever.

So, you can be forgiven for saying I don’t value healthy eating. You’re right, I suppose. Maybe I value the idea of eating good, or saying I do. The action is conforming to the value, isn’t it?

How do I change a value? When I searched that, it tells me through introspection and reflection. If that was enough, I’d be the foremost authority on healthy eating habits. I do not lack in introspection or reflection. Every article just says more and more of the same, think about it, visualize what you want, and on and on.

It’s much harder to visualize, “I want to eat better, so I can be a healthy man, inside and out,” than it is to visualize abs. I don’t really want abs, too much. I’ve never had them, so I don’t miss them or anything.

I’ll be 50 this year. It’s important, and it probably starts with transforming the way I think about salad. Today, for lunch, I had a terrific apple walnut salad and it was so satisfying & delicious!!! (Maybe transformation can begin with a helpful lie, and continue until it’s not a lie. Who knows?)

Stats and Possibilities

June 23, 2025/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

The site is asking me how I practice self-care, and then I’ll tell you what’s on my mind today.

When we were on vacation, the biggest drawback of the Airbnb as opposed to the hotel, were the mornings. In a hotel, I’d silently pick up my things and leave the room, go down to the lobby, and spend the next hour or 3 reading, writing, whatever. At home, I begin most mornings at the gym. If I don’t go, I eat breakfast and then read, write, whatever. I didn’t realize just how important this daily routine is. So, that’s it, probably. The most important self-care practice I have is the way I enter each day. It’s not always the same, but it allows me to intentionally connect to my, body, mind, my life.

Now, here’s my question…Who are you?

The site also emails me, from time to time, about the stats of this blog. Is anyone reading what I write? Is any post more engaging than others? If anyone is actually reading, who is it? Where are they (you) from?

While fairly plugged in, I choose to not participate in much of the social mediasphere. I think the stats (and communicating them to me) are designed to help me tailor posts for the greatest possibility of engagement. For instance, if a post on cereal gets more likes than one on oatmeal, I would theoretically write more about cereal. Probably, a wild-eyed political rant would stomp them both, in terms of clicks. The problem is that I don’t care about that, not even a little bit. It seems disingenuous and manipulative. It seems like a reader would want to read the people who write about the things they want to, that turn them on, the things that touch their hearts, instead of the things someone thinks they’d like. Maybe that’s true. Maybe it’s not, though, now that I think about it.

I read articles on Morrissey, the MCU, Dallas Cowboys, and other topics I search for. I rarely search for writers, certainly not on the internet.

Maybe I should care. Maybe more cereal posts is quality marketing. Do I care about marketing myself? Should I care about marketing? Isn’t everything marketing???

All of this stat conversation brings me to what I really do care about.: Who are you? How did you get here? I see some of the same names ‘liking’ the posts, and I’d love to know who you are and hear your stories. How do we do that? Is it as simple of Google-ing the names and cyber-stalking? If I see the names, does that mean you have blogs, too? Then, I should read those, right?

The internet is such a beautiful tool for connection, not just food pictures, disinformation, and porn. It can bring all of us, with all of our different experiences, backgrounds, demographics, together. My question is, how do we do that?

I got out of my car the other day, and there was this little boy (about 3ish years old) across the street. He yells over to me, “What are you doing?” Not aggressive or judgy, just curious. “I’m just home from the gym.” “Why?” “Well, I like to go to the gym.” “Why?” “It helps me move my body and relax a little. What are you doing?” “Just eating this cookie.” “Good cookie?” “Yep. See you, then.”

And I thought, maybe that’s what’s missing. Maybe I just don’t ask enough people what they’re doing. Everybody reads on the beach, and in 4 days, I didn’t ask 1 person what they were reading. In my last post, I thought about a podcast/Facebook live with guests. Maybe that’s what it would look like, just me and you, and we could begin with, “what are you doing?”

It feels a little like, the more we are connected online, the further we are apart. I guess it’s up to us to change that, isn’t it?

Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning’s End

June 19, 2025/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

I’ve coached my last game, spent my last day in the high school weight room. My youngest son has graduated, and will be leaving for college in August. My oldest son has a great job. Better yet, they are 2 of the best human beings I’ve ever met. The Angel is The Angel (and yes, it’s still very obvious I’ve married well out of my league, but that’s her problem, not mine – I say that a lot, and I really, really like to say it). The church is on solid footing, or at least as solid of footing as a ministry can be. God can call any of us in a different direction at any time. It’s best not to be too comfortable with these sorts of things. I could lose some weight, but probably many of us could/would say that. Maybe I will. Maybe not.

But the question that keeps rearing it’s bright-eyed, exciting, excited head is one I love: Now what?

I referred, in my last post, to a hope for the time & space on vacation to bring some clarity, some light in a dark hallway for the next steps. It didn’t, exactly, which is both disappointing and awesome.

So, here’s what I’m thinking…

I am a rescued, redeemed child of God, husband, dad, brother, friend, pastor, possibly exceptional dancer, lover of everything, including this life I have been given, you and pop songs. My ministry is to love, and to tell everybody how much they are loved, what the Gospel is, and why that matters so much. That is who I am.

Now, what will I do, in service of that ministry/life?

I am always working on the sermons for Sunday mornings, and will continue my commitment to this call to pastor our beautiful community – an increased imagination will probably lead to more Saturday evening events, and different risks, at the Bridge. There will be a focus on a marriage curriculum. I do some marriage counseling (pre- and post- marital) and will make myself available for more and more of that, in pointed, individual & group, class-ish contexts. There is a new book in the works, which will be called, We Have a Weight Problem, which is not actually about body weight. (Well, it’s a little bit about body weight. It’s more about the value we give to things in our lives and how we’d go about changing those lives.) It’s a good title, right?

I post in 2 places every week (the Bridge Faith Community, and Love With A Capital L), and may increase that frequency. I should probably do some interesting things to get those posts in front of more eyes.

[I often treat my work as if it is a secret. I guess it’s residual ash from from setting fire to my imposter syndrome. As if I think you might not want to see or read it, and if you did, you might not like it. That’s silly. Of course it’s true!! You might not like it, but that’s ok. I don’t like all Morrissey songs, and I’m not the greatest singer of all time. I’m not for everyone, you might actually hate my work, but you might not, too. In fact, it might be cool, it might give you a new perspective, you might think it’s awesome. I’m going to stop treating these things as if they’re a fancy club, where you have to know the password to get in. I’m going to invite you to the Bridge.]

There’s a new series that will show up somewhere called “What I’ve Learned,” I just don’t know where. Maybe here. I might begin a podcast-type thing, like the old Facebook minis (10 minute shorts), but with other people and their ideas and viewpoints. I’ll follow up on the Bull Elephants (if you know what that means, you know, if not, I’ll explain it another time). I’ll make a new Instagram Bridge page, where I’ll invite you to the Bridge, and keep you posted on any-/everything else. I’ll be at our mid-week prayer group, and increase the opportunities for connection with the people I know, and the people I meet. These connections will be to counsel or coach, to provide space to ask questions and discover the answers, to study the Bible, to discern spiritual gifts, or to build & strengthen the bonds of friendship.

I don’t think the Church is a place people come to, I think the Church is a group of people that go from a certain geographical, local home. Our ministries are in places you are, at town squares, malls, grocery stores and fields. We cannot just walk around trying to build attendance in our local churches, as altars to ourselves. Instead, we’re called to GO. Much of the next steps, as far as I can see today, are loosely tied to where I/we already are (but maybe that’s bound to be the case) .

I am not discouraged at this. (I once would have been, and would have thrown this all away immediately.) What this means now is that I show up and am faithful with what is here in my ever-growing circles. Maybe there will be time for all of this, maybe just for one or 2. All I can be is fully present in where I am, what I am doing. But I am also paying attention to all the burning bushes, looking for the ones that aren’t consumed, because it’s often there that God gives our specific GO.

So, what now? Well, I’ll love who & what is in my path – Jesus, you, me, everybody, this lovely creation – in the ways I can, and if (and when) my path changes, or expands, I’ll love there, too. And i’ll be really, really grateful for all of it.

expectations

June 19, 2025/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

We have a summer family vacation every year. I’m always thrilled with it, as it is a time to (mostly) disconnect from devices and the strength taskmaster of the planet Busy, and connect with each other. Last year, it was also a time of pretty significant transformation for me – as I was in the ocean, a big beautiful Truth swam right up to me and punched me in the face. It’s not much of an overreach to say it changed me forever. I expected it again this year.

We usually stay in a hotel, but this year I chose to book with an Airbnb. Instead of 2 beds in 1 room, we would have different rooms, a kitchen and a living room. There would be privacy, time and space. I know there are many kinds of Airbnb’s, from mansions to single rooms in apartments. I am also sure that the one I chose was properly described. I just had a different picture in my head that I was expecting.

The Angel had wrapped up the school year 2 days before we left. Often, we go a few weeks after the end, after she has a solid start on her summer school responsibilities. This year, we left immediately, to allow her to breathe and decompress on the sand, before those responsibilities began. I expected her to easily transition from the extra-stressful end-of-year to the peaceful vacation state of rest.

Our summer vacation was outstanding, but…

Counting Crows released August & Everything After on September 14, 1993, and it remains a perfect album. When their next album, Recovering The Satellites, came out, we all expected another A+ album, and it was fine. But it was not our expectations and paled in comparison to the album in our heads.

The Goo Goo Dolls have never released an A+ album, they’re all pretty much in the B+ to C range. Some songs (like “We Are The Normal”) are really great, and some are absolutely unlistenable. This is what we expect from the Goo Goo Dolls, and they rarely disappoint. We don’t expect anything different, anything more. If Counting Crows would release a Goo Goo Dolls album, with great songs sitting neatly next to trash, it would be widely considered THE WORST ALBUM OF ALL TIME. But in our minds, it’s just a solid Goo Goo Dolls album.

Our opinion has very little to do with the actual album, it’s our interpretation of it, seen through the paradigm of our expectations.

Nothing life changing happened, the Airbnb was a 2 room ‘motel,’ with virtually no privacy or quiet space. The Angel needs the days to decompress to regain some semblance of control before we go. All of my expectations were wrong. I expected myself to be slow, easy, and fully present. I was mistaken about that, too. Expectations make presence nearly impossible, because we’re focused on how it is supposed to be.

In hindsight, our vacation was wonderful. I just wish I had taken some more time to enjoy it, free of the weight of should’s & supposed to’s. As a matter of fact, I want to take that last sentence into my life, to smash all expectations I have for things and people and myself, and just enjoy them as the beautiful gifts they/we are. I’m finding that gratitude and expectation are probably mutually exclusive.

But, now that I think about it, maybe that is the Truth of this trip. Maybe it was more transformative than I guessed. Maybe the laughter of the board games, the softness of the Angel’s tanned skin and lovely smile, and the time just eating, walking, swimming, and putting on suntan lotion, together, was the best gift of all. I wonder if this mindful look back is exactly what I needed to see it for what it was…

Maybe it was actually better than I expected.

Quintessence!!

June 9, 2025/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

Today’s site prompt is: If humans had taglines, what would yours be, and why?

First, what exactly is a tagline? I’m pretty sure I don’t have one, but maybe if I knew what one actually is, I would need one. So… “A tagline is a slogan or catchphrase, especially as used in advertising, or the punchline of a joke. Strategic tools to convey the quintessence of a brand’s identity and values in a compact form.”

Am I advertising me? I’m not a joke, I don’t need a punchline, but I could probably use a strategy to convey the “quintessence” of my identity & values in a compact form. Maybe it just takes too long to get to know me (or anyone) and we could all use taglines.

[It might sound like I am maligning these site prompts, but as it turns out, (even if I begin the post meaning to do just that), I always find them interesting. They’re a great tool to communicate. I wonder if a person writes them, or if it’s an AI prompt generator. It’s probably not a person, right? Not much is, anymore, I guess. I heard most news stories are generated. That’s sad, for some reason. I am a real, flesh and blood, person. But what is my catchphrase??? Maybe it could be, “Chad – a real person.” That would tell you a lot. But I bet that’s what a robot would say, too. It would use the acronym IRL, like kids on social media. I would not use it for me. You know what I could do? Change it to “In Real Love.” I don’t know what that means, am I in real love? Or am I the object of real love? Both.]

I don’t use the word “quintessence” enough. It’s a thing’s “perfect, ideal” example. It’s also “the fifth and highest element in ancient and medieval philosophy that permeates all nature and is the substance composing the celestial bodies.” It feels like the site means the first one, though. Maybe we’re talking medieval philosophy and the celestial bodies, but I don’t think so.

So, what is a phrase/word/sentence that’s the quintessential representation of me?

I like lots of cool things, art and words like quintessence. I like people most. I’m religious and spiritual. (I know the proper form is “spiritual, but not religious,” and I do know what it means, in a modern, popular context, but I don’t like it anymore. Religious means “Belief in/reverence for God,” and “Respect for what is sacred.” As I suspected, I am quite religious. You know what we do too often? We throw things – words, ideas, etc – out instead of reclaiming them. Just because things have baggage, or have been corrupted, doesn’t make them the problem. Our judgment is. We throw people away who have baggage, too, instead of reclaiming them as what/who they truly are.) I’m married, and I love that I am. I am a dad of 2 boys, and I love that I am that, too. I am deeply grateful, for every moment of this beautiful life in which I have found myself.

Maybe that’s it. “Chad – Real, Grateful.”

Is that my quintessence? If I were advertising me, would that convince you that I am a product you needed to have in your life? Maybe. But maybe I’m not primarily a product, and maybe you’re not primarily a consumer. Maybe we’re just us, just people, and maybe we are just in each other’s lives for no other reason than that we want to.

Graduation Is Not Like Andor

June 2, 2025June 2, 2025/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

My youngest son’s high school graduation happened last Friday, and as it turned out, after much reflection, it was not like Andor at all.

This is what I wrote in last week’s post: The Angel & I have 2 sons, and the youngest one graduates from high school Friday. I’ll write about that next week, when it has passed and I have some sort of handle on my overflowing emotions. I also can’t seem to shake the notion that the 2nd season of Andor will help me with that handle. Who knows?

Andor was excellent, as good as anyone had any right to expect, as good as Star Wars can be, as good as any work of science fiction has ever been. The characters are awesome, well-written and complex, the story is layered, full of suspense, twists and turns. Maybe that’s like graduation. The students are complex and awesome. The story of their childhood & adolescence has been layered, full of suspense, ups, downs, surprises, heartbreak, elation, disappointment.

What I maybe didn’t like about Andor is pretty common in most modern storytelling. There aren’t exactly good guys & bad guys, just shades of gray. Sauron was baaaaad. Frodo, Aragorn, Gandalf were good. Superman was good, Lex Luther was bad. Tony Stark is good, most of the time, kind of, but flawed and quite capable of bad.

There’s a scene in Andor, where Cassian Andor is rescuing Mon Mothma from the senate floor, and he shoots & kills several people. He does the same in Rogue One – to a person on the same side of the rebellion!!!

So, maybe I don’t like that, but I recognize that it is a far more accurate picture of war and human beings. No one is all good, all the time, no one is all bad, all the time. The white hats aren’t as pure as we’d like to believe, just as the villains aren’t as irredeemable as lazy intellectual convenience might suggest. The only real difference between sides in war is where you stand. These new creators aren’t as concerned with my desire (sometimes) for easy delineation. They write for realism, which sounds ridiculous to say in a discussion of a space opera. And sometimes I like that, too.

I’m just like everyone else, complex and often inconsistent. Maybe this stood out because, as far as I can tell, the show was primarily about this blurriness between the heroes and villains. Luther Rael was a terrific character, but can not be considered a positive, ethical role model, under any definition, yet was the slimy uncle of the beginnings of the rebellion. It wasn’t just a part of the story, it was the story.

The graduates, including my son, are becoming adults, and I have been witness to the great beauty and the sickening lows of humanity. In that way, they’re just like Andor. From where I stand, my boy is the hero, but I’m not so naive to think that he hasn’t been callous and cutting along the way. Maybe he’s said things he’s not proud of, done things he’d change if given the opportunity.

But what’s not like Andor is that this duality is NOT the story. The story is one of transcending that moral confusion to bring real positive change in the world around them. It is a detail that adds to the narrative but is not the narrative. The characters in Andor accept the fact that their methods are the same as their enemy’s methods, with no discernible desire for anything else. They do what they have to do, the ends justify the means.

And maybe they do. Maybe the Death Star has to be destroyed, and however we do it, whatever compromise we make, is worth it.

I happen to have been lucky enough to know these kids who walked across the stage on Friday, and I still see/feel the wide-eyed, wild-eyed hope of youth. They have not had their imaginations beaten out of them by life, just yet. They seem to know the Death Star needs to be destroyed, but have not acquiesced to the notion that we have to become our enemy to defeat it. They’re imperfect, and they are aware of the imperfection, but they’re beautiful in those cracks and flaws.

I believe them, I admire their souls, I want them to win. I think my son is Luke Skywalker – but not the Luke Skywalker caricature of the original trilogy that all fanboys defend, by any means necessary. He’s more like the Luke Skywalker of The Last Jedi. My boy is authentic and funny, wonderful and messy. He can fail, but will ultimately show up, stand up, and fight for you & me until he has nothing left. He’s capable of everything, he’s all that a Jedi Knight should be. Of course, he’s not perfect, but he’s certainly one of the good guys, and in his (and his classmates) hands, the universe will be alright in the end.

Anniversary

May 27, 2025/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

[The Angel & I have 2 sons, and the youngest one graduates from high school Friday. I’ll write about that next week, when it has passed and I have some sort of handle on my overflowing emotions. I also can’t seem to shake the notion that the 2nd season of Andor will help me with that handle. Who knows?]

I just told you that the Angel & I have 2 sons – you might be interested to know that, today, we will have been married for 24 years. This is the year that she will have been married to me for more years of her life than she has not. (I’m not there quite yet.) That feels like a monumental milestone. I guess it’s not, but it sure does feel like it.

So, I’ll tell you what we did to celebrate this anniversary. We went out to lunch/dinner yesterday and then went shopping for a Graduation Dress. When we go clothes shopping for her, she allows me to choose up to 5 items that she will try on along with the ones she chooses. There’s almost zero chance she’ll want any of my 5, but that’s not the point at all. If you’ve ever seen her, you know she’s an absolutely fox. She has a perfect figure, like a little guitar, and I love to see her in interesting styles and fabrics. Yesterday, she graciously waived the 5 maximum rule, and I filled our cart.

As I was standing outside the fitting room, I started thinking about being married to her for so long. She is way out of my league, far better than I could have ever dreamed of, yet here we are. I don’t know how this happened, and like to say, “but that’s her problem,” as if it’s hilarious, which it is. But it’s also true.

When I was young, we’d go to Hersheypark and I loved it like crazy. But I’d, almost immediately, start thinking how I didn’t want to leave, didn’t want the day to be over.. Or Christmas morning, the melancholy of the end being over would set in while we were still opening presents. Sometimes, it’s hard to be present for the most wonderful moments, because we’re waiting for the end. The first time I saw Morrissey in concert, as I sang along, I cried because I wanted it to last forever. How many of the best moments of my life, how many of the greatest gifts, did I miss simply because I was elsewhere in my mind?

Probably very early in our relationship, I expected her to wake up and move on, but I said a cool thing to her that changed both of our lives. (I don’t know if she knows how much it changed mine.) Usually, you think of the perfect thing to say as you walk away, right? Once in my life, it came at exactly the right time. She was very hesitant to step into our relationship with both feet – for lots of reasons – and I said, “what makes you think I’ll wait,” (honestly, it doesn’t sound that awesome now, it kind of sounds arrogant and posturing, maybe you had to be there, maybe you had to be us) and then something like, we can spend our lives waiting for something that is right here, right now, and end up thinking about how we missed it. I was not telling the truth, I would have waited for a million years, but she wasn’t the only one tip-toeing into us. I believed she would leave, eventually, so, like Christmas morning, I waited for the end.

When I said that supercool line, I was talking about waiting for her, but I was waiting for me, too.

Jacob wakes up in the wilderness and realizes God has always been there, he just wasn’t aware. That is one of the biggest tragedies I can think of, that we are in the midst of the divine, of the amazing, of our lives, of this love, and we just walk on by, as if it’s common, or ordinary. My wife is not ordinary, not even close, and neither is our marriage. Our lives aren’t ordinary, and neither are yours. These are all gifts from Our Creator, if we only have eyes to see and hearts to hold them.

We made this decision, so it doesn’t matter at all if she’s in my league. What matters is that we’re here, we’re 24 years in, and my vows 24 years ago are still true, maybe more than ever – that I couldn’t promise her easy or lots of money or that I wouldn’t be ridiculously high maintenance, but I could promise that I’d love her. What I left out, that I was thinking about outside of that changing room, is what I should have also promised; that I would be there, I would show up, I would not wish for her to get done trying clothes on already, I would not miss these moments shopping, I would never call us ordinary, I would not miss her and this. I will keep loving her. I will not miss us.

I think it’s possible that God wants us to be fully present to our lives, reminds us over and over, in parables and poems and songs and stories, is because He knows what He has made, how awesome it is, what He has for us, how awesome that is, and knows the importance of gratitude and worship in keeping us awake to the wonder of each other and our lives, and Him. I am more grateful than I could ever tell you, for not just today, not just her, but for all of the days and moments and people who have made everything so beautiful and full. And to/for the One Who made, is making, them all.

Marrying Juan Soto

May 20, 2025/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

Juan Soto is an outfielder for the New York Mets. According to his stats – his career batting average is .283, he finished 3rd in MVP voting once, this year, he’s hitting under .250 – he’s an average Major League Baseball player. But his contract says different. The Mets signed him in the offseason for all the years and all the money. So, according to his bank account, he’s the greatest to ever play the game.

Yesterday, he lined a ball off of the fence, stood in the box smiling it, and loafed into first with a 350 ft single. When reporters asked if he thought that was a problem, he quickly responded, “No.” Now, the Mets manager is going to “talk to” him about his lack of effort.

There is a lot about that paragraph that is distasteful, but the one that stands out is that the team will “talk to” him. For what? For being Juan Soto. By most accounts, he’s not exactly a high character guy, he’s not winning Man of the Year awards anytime soon, he’s his own biggest fan. If you believe they’ll actually talk to and/or discipline him for his actions and attitude (and that is a very big IF – it’s likely just something that upper management thinks is a good thing to say, condescending to us, as if we’ll scoop up whatever they toss our way, no matter how silly and nonsensical it is), my question is why?

I have the honor of officiating many weddings every year. Some feel like they’ll last forever, and some don’t. Some men will be great husbands, but other boys shouldn’t be getting married at all. I also do a fair amount of pre- and post-marital counseling (mostly listening and allowing each the space to be heard by the other), and what I find in stressful situations is usually pretty similar.

They marry Juan Soto, and then, when Juan Soto does Juan Soto things, behaves like Juan Soto always has, they appear to be shocked and dismayed. But they married Juan Soto. Do they expect him to be Derek Jeter or Nolan Ryan after the wedding day?

It’s very strange. Let’s say girl X is having an affair with Juan Soto, who is dating/engaged/married to girl Y. Juan Soto ends up probably being found out by Y (because Juan Soto’s don’t usually turn on a dime for less), and leaves Y to be with X. She finally gets to have him to herself, to build a life together. He’ll change, he loves her, whatever. Then, when he is discovered to be having a new affair with girl Z, X is absolutely shocked! How could he do this to me?!!

If you marry Juan Soto and he doesn’t have a job, has never had a job, and you are the one who pays for everything, maybe getting married expecting him to be a different person, one who works and pays, might not be the best idea. Maybe you still want to marry him, who am I to judge? You can marry who you want, it’s the expectation that’s the problem. The Mets hired a guy who turns doubles and triples into singles, and is incredibly surly about the suggestion that he might have any responsibility to his team to hustle out an extra base. After marrying him and giving him the GDP of most countries, why would they dream they’d end up with Mike Trout?

Why would girl X think Juan Soto would be faithful to her, when he’s not evidenced faithfulness as a characteristic he values too much? She wouldn’t. And neither would the Mets. That’s why it’s sort of offensive to pretend to mind, 50 games into the first season of the marriage.

Maybe he’ll change, hopefully he will, but isn’t it a little unfair to him to assume he will, and hold it against him if he doesn’t? He’s Juan Soto, and being Juan Soto got him 3/4 of a billion dollars, or the spouse, or the job, or or or.

But aren’t we made to grow and mature, to transform? Yes, of course, but we choose not to lean into everything we’re made for all the time, for a lot of reasons, some much less than 3/4 of a billion reasons. And that’s why we should be very careful who we marry.

Love With A Capital L

A journey towards living an inspired life of love in the modern world

Tag: perspective