2024-11-21T14:17:32+00:00

Morrissey in Atlantic City, 2024

November 21, 2024/The Bridge Faith Community/1 Comment

Last week, I saw Morrissey in Atlantic City. (If you don’t know who Morrissey is, I’m sorry… you should find out immediately.) He’s been my very favorite since I was 13ish, and he’s still my favorite artist by miles and miles. My favorite song is “There Is A Light That Never Goes Out,” and number 2 is “Half A Person.” When I make lists of My Top 10 (or 100 or 500) songs or albums, I don’t include him, because he’s all of the top spots and the list begins for others much later.

The question is if we are one sort of person and find the artists that mean the most or if they find us and we become those people? And like so many things, the answer is yes. We are predisposed to Smiths (the band Morrissey fronted) songs. We are emotional, sensitive, weird, and they massage those already screaming places and make them grow. Where we were a little outside of the norm, we became complete misfits and put that on like comfy sweaters. We are the kind of people looking for artists to “save our lives” and so we find them, then we become the people who were “saved” by an artist. It’s an odd circle, but it’s not very complicated. It’s nature AND nurture. I was born and was raised into a Morrissey person.

So, when he plays roughly 3 hours from my house, teenage me would have walked. Now me checks the calendar for days off and the kids schedule and bank account to see about a fancy hotel. When they line up, I am very, very excited to go.

There are few casual Morrissey fans. He is either your favorite, or you don’t really care for him at all (like my brother, who HATES him). Everyone there wore t-shirts and knew every word to 40 year old album tracks. He played new songs, not on a released album, and we even knew those lyrics. How? Because we’re Morrissey people. How would we not know “I Am Veronica?”

The setlist was not the one I would’ve compiled. If you listed the 20 biggest hits for your favorite band, this setlist would have included only 2 or 3. He omitted many of the songs that soundtracked our lives, seemingly choosing by random. Which is really cool, in most cases. In others, it’s still really cool.

It didn’t change my life. I spent the night in the hotel with the Angel, and the 2 of us had dinner with my sister and brother-in-law. My sister and I then went to the show together. Those last 2 sentences were more important to me than any of the songs or even (gasp!) Morrissey himself. I’m not who I used to be.

In the song “Ouija Board,” there are 2 lines that perfectly touched every last bit of me. “..and I still do feel so horribly lonely,” and “I just can’t find my place in the world.” Even the famous lyric from “How Soon Is Now?” – “ I am human and I need to be loved.”

I’m not very lonely too much at all, anymore. I think I finally have found my place in the world, as well as the story of my life. And the 2nd half of the “I am human and I need to be loved…just like everybody else does,” is now what I can focus on, which has changed my life in such beautifully meaningful ways.

There was a sharpie in my pocket for him to sign my t-shirt, just in case we ran into each other. We didn’t, but if we had, I would’ve thanked him, told him how grateful I am to have found him. That’s true. I am a Morrissey person, only now that is only a fairly small part of me…But that fairly small part still listens to Bona Drag on repeat and carries a sharpie and makes me hoarse singing along to pop songs in a concert hall in Atlantic City.

A Few Observations On The Election

November 8, 2024/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

Maybe you missed it, but there was an election to decide the President of the United States this week. I am no different from most of the rest of us, we are all overflowing with emotions & observations that will take days, months, years to unpack and reconcile.

I don’t like to speak publicly about who and/or what, specifically, I politically support. Far more important to me is offering everyone a seat at every table, where we are comfortable and safe to explore and discover our own place in our journey. It’s never helpful to try to control others conclusions or beat them into changing their minds – not helpful to relationships and always unsuccessful.

What has hurt us, as a nation (of course) and as human beings, is the belief that we are not just one group, but we are 2, an us/them dichotomy, adversaries where I am right and you are wrong. I am interested in bridging imaginary gaps and reminding us all that we are all moms & dads, brothers & sisters, just people all in the same strange boat, inviting us all to the table. And big beautiful tables like that aren’t ever built by hanging signs on the front door that some aren’t welcome. We listen and try to understand, and when we don’t, we love anyway.

I do have some observations, (hopefully) without endorsement or judgment of you and your conclusions.

Let’s say Pepsi and Coke are the only available soft drinks. And let’s also say we don’t like them. They’re not great, but we figure that one is marginally better than the other. Now, let’s say a new company comes along to disrupt the status quo. We complain about the 2 soda empires, but we continue to only buy Coke or Pepsi. Do you think anything would ever change? Do you think Coke will sink any time, energy, or money into putting out a better product? Do you think Pepsi will ever decide to transform the dual monopoly, if it means cutting their own profits and market share? Of course, neither of them would jeopardize their own power and wealth. Our participation in this 2 cola race (voting with our wallets to ignore any other drinks) is validation of an only 2 cola race. In this case, we deserve Pepsi & Coke.

I do wish we deserved/demanded a wide array of choices in our soft drinks.

I am a religious person – but maybe not the kind of religious that you might have in your head. What I actually mean is that I love and follow Jesus, and I love you, too. So, a really big problem is when we replace God with a person or party, and when we replace the enemy with a person or party. (After writing and deleting what I’ve written several times,) That’s all I’ll say about that.

What I know, after this and every election, is that we are still an us, there are no monsters here, and as long as division reigns supreme, we will drift farther and farther apart. We will dig our feet into our respective Coke or Pepsi camps, and hurl violent insults (and more) from our right-ness into their wrong-ness, killing our opponents, before we ever wake up to the truth that in killing them, we have been killing ourselves all along.

Episode 8

November 4, 2024/The Bridge Faith Community/1 Comment

The site asks me what my life will be like in 3 years? Well, I imagine we’ll be slaves to our machine overlords. Or maybe it’ll look exactly the same, because we’re already slaves to the machines? Or maybe I’ll still be loving you, trying to change the whole world one at a time?

Anyway, a few days ago I watched episode 8 of the Star Wars saga, called The Last Jedi. Many of those who hold Star Wars like a religion rather than a rad film series hated this installment. Probably because our hero was a woman (!!!), the bad guy was derisively called “emo” (as if that was somehow a negative?), there was an awesome character named Rose that received death threats because she had the nerve to be in a movie, but the most egregious sin was that Luke Skywalker was jaded and sour. We like what we like, and don’t always (i.e. never) embrace change.

Rey, Ren, and Rose are perfect, and I thought it was pretty reasonable that Luke might be sort of broken after what he saw and endured, his spirit buckling under his guilt and shame. I spent years depressed and isolated for far less than plunging the universe into bondage under a new empire.

(I’m about to talk about how great this film is, and I’m going to need you to forget, as I will, that scene of Leia floating through space. Deal? Deal.)

Beginning with the moment where Rey shows up in Snoke’s throne room, the next hour+ is my absolute favorite. There’s nothing else in all of the movies I’ve seen that can touch it. Not Captain America getting Thor’s hammer in Endgame. Not the reveal in Fight Club. Not Jack Nicholson in A Few Good Men or The Shining or Five Easy Pieces. Not the heart-crushing Aimee Mann song at the end of Magnolia. Or the super-strange frog rain in Magnolia. Not Helm’s Deep or the battle for New York. Not “In Your Eyes” on John Cusack’s boom box or every word of the script of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Not the conversation between The Bride and Bill or “Say what again!!”from Pulp Fiction. Maybe the reveal in Fight Club… no, not the reveal in Fight Club.

Ren & Rey killing Snoke and fighting the royal guard, Laura Dern turning the cruiser around and hyperspacing into the imperial fleet, the mono-skis on the salt planet, and LUKE SKYWALKER showing up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s THE BEST!!!

The weirdos who say the movie was terrible could not possibly be more wrong. In fact, I wonder if it’s all some sort of organized troll, like a work in big time wrestling, where everybody knows the truth. Like if you know somebody who says “Smells Like Teen Spirit” and the Beatles are overrated. They can barely say it with a straight face. Maybe this is the same. It has to be, right?

But the Star Wars studio heads didn’t think so. They listened to this nonsense and retconned (a new term that I can’t say I totally like) the story, rolling it back to somehow cobble together episode 9. Sigh. So I’ll keep watching episode 8 over and over, at least until those same studio heads destroy the print, and pretend it was never made. But we’ll remember, won’t we?

Somebody Else

October 30, 2024/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

The site is asking me for One Thing I Believe Everyone Should Know, and I have a few answers. First, that each of us is loved beyond reason or limit, and has value far exceeding what we would ever guess. And the second is to take the weight plates off of the bars at the gym, and wipe their equipment down.

We talk a lot about the first one, but not too much about the second. A few weeks ago, a woman asked me if the squat rack next to me was in use (because the bar was still loaded with weights), and I told her I didn’t think so, but I would ask the guy that was there and was now on a different machine. I asked him if he was finished with it, and he said yes, so I offered to help him unload it, to which he was incredulous. “What?” I said it was common practice to strip the weights. He looked confused and pretty aggressively answered that he didn’t know that, nobody told him. But does anyone really have to be told that?

Apparently, based on the frequency that weights are left on the bars, YES. So, I’d like everyone to know that. But a better question is, why don’t they? Why are some people so rude? But maybe they don’t know it’s so rude, and in that case, how could they possibly not know? When/Where did the philosophy of “Somebody Else” come into such popular fashion. “Why should I do it? Somebody Else will.” “Oh, don’t bother, Somebody Else will take care of it.” Ugh.

I actually have an answer to this Why, and at the risk of sounding like The Oldest Man In The World, I think the answer is, obviously, our phones. We used to pay attention, to have an awareness of our surroundings, to walk around in a fairly awake state of consciousness. This is not a romanticism of the past, when I was young… I’m not a man who thinks the past was the good ‘ol days, and everything was better. Much of our culture, most of our lives, are probably better now in so many ways. We have evolved.

But there are some things that have been lost. One of them is personal contact. We mistake screens for people, “Friends” for friends, DMs for conversation. A Zoom meeting simply isn’t a straight 1:1 substitute for a conference table. We go to the gym and, between sets, put our noses into our phones, texting, scrolling YouTube videos or Instagram reels, instead of watching those around us, seeing and learning the norms of living in a society. It’s much harder to relate in person than on a Snapchat message, and requires so many more skills and attention. We have to recognize non-verbal cues as well as tones and inflections. But we also can connect in far more depth. We will see their faces, their struggles, accomplishments, exercises, forms, etc. And we will notice easily that grown-ups (of any age) unload their weights.

We are tied to an entire world, but we are increasingly disconnected to our neighbors and separated from those we see every day. This happens to be absolutely anti-human, and it’s why we end up finding it so easy to be so mean online, categorizing each other as monsters, “us vs them” instead of how it actually is, just a great big pile of Us.

Of course, we all want everyone to strip their weights, but mostly we want to see each other in real life again, right?

Tolerance…

October 17, 2024/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

We’re having an event (where I’ll speak and a fantastically talented singer-songwriter will perform) at our church. You’re invited, of course, but that’s not exactly what I want to talk about right now. A very great friend sent out an all-staff email with the flyer to invite those at the company where she works. Maybe this was a horrific breach of the separation of church & state, sacred & secular, religion & profession. Or maybe this was an irresponsible use of corporate communication channels. Or maybe this was simply a woman sharing her interests with her co-workers. (It was probably all of those.) Either way, she was quickly reprimanded, because…someone was offended and complained.

Is it an issue of ‘personal use’ or religious content? Who knows, the administration is appropriately vague. I wonder if all personal communications (like “Sally had her baby!!!” “Sally has extra tickets to the Phillies game,” “Sally’s husband is in surgery right now,” or even, “Sally is raising money for hurricane relief in North Carolina”) are banned. Or just religious messages (the only religious vocabulary or imagery on our flyer was the word “faith” in the address)? And who says what’s religious? The national religions are sports and/or commerce, so does anything having to do with those topics get flagged? Can I remind people to vote? Can I send a birthday card around? Or are we automatons strictly confined to professional conversation? Is it just email? Can I still ask you about your car accident or pet’s death, or is any acknowledgment that you have an outside life offensive?

Obviously, I’m overreacting, using absurdity to illustrate the absurd. But there is something here, isn’t there? This is not “persecution” or Christian “censorship.” We sometimes lob these kinds of words like grenades that do nothing but de-value and desensitize us to actual persecution, which does exist (just not here).

If you sent out an email I don’t like – or if, in this case, if I would NEVER go to your event – I would delete it. That’s all. Then I would go on with my day. Maybe someone else would go to your event, and in that case, I hope you all have fun. In fact, I want lots and lots to go, because we are human beings and people should enjoy themselves. Even if I wouldn’t enjoy myself at their shindig. But I still want to know about Sally’s life, Joe’s passion for pickle ball, or Jim’s grass cutting business.

As the notion of tolerance grows, I wonder why we’re all so much more offendable? Shouldn’t our pretend tolerance make us all very open to your thing, whatever your thing is? This is why tolerance is a ridiculous joke – because no one actually believes it, in the slightest. I would’ve put it in the above list of American religions, but we build our lives around Sunday afternoons and Black Friday, but almost no one cares what tolerance actually is, and less than ‘almost no one’ follows it’s basic tenets.

The only time tolerance matters is when I ask you to tolerate MY idea, belief, or opinion. Tolerance is a one way street, not a revolving door. It’s a farce that’s time has come and gone. How about we let it die and Rest In Peace.

Tolerance is such a low bar, anyway. How about we love each other? How about we celebrate each other’s differences, instead of merely tolerating them, like I tolerate the ulcer in my mouth or the bunions on my feet? We’re people, not social nuisances. Sometimes people have interests that you might not, and that is wonderful. It gives us and our world texture and color. Maybe you’d like my event, even if you don’t like singer-songwriters or brownies or my face, and maybe you wouldn’t. But that’s not the point at all. The point is that pretending to worship tolerance has gotten our feelings in such a twist, we are offended at mostly everything, enjoy nothing, and our world continues to divide and shrink. Love can open us up to new people, new experiences, new stories, new hands to hold and songs to hear, and in this season of divided, small perspectives, can’t we all use a bit of that sort of new?

Decisions, Decisions

October 8, 2024/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

I think, if I had to pick one sentence from Sunday’s message that was the hardest to say, and to hear, it would be: “If he chooses to honor her, if she chooses to honor him…” Whatever comes next, those words are so charged with meaning and possibility. What if he did? What if she did? Then what?

I also wanted to share what I heard in a video on Instagram. An interviewer asked a woman if she was married, and she said yes. At this point, it was very light, she was smiley and easy-going. He then asked her if HE was happy. “Is he happy?” This was surprising, to her, and to me. She restated the question, making sure that she heard correctly, then said, “I thought you’d ask me if I was happy.” He said he wanted to care for him, too. I know, right!??! The mood between them changed, as if he attacked her. She became silent and sullen, finally saying, “**** you,” which I guess, answered the question without answering the question.

I wonder what we’d say if we were asked the same question about our relationships. More than just our marriages, would our friends say they’re happy and valued in our company? Do they feel important, heard, cared for, by us? How about our children? Just to be sure, I told the Angel, if anyone ever asked her, that yes, I was awfully happy. She told me she was, too.

If you had the courage to ask your husband/wife if he/she was happy, what would he/she say? Do you know the answer? Would they tell you the truth? How would you react if the answer was no? Would you be offended, would you pout and make them feel like they shouldn’t have answered so honestly? Would you respond the way that woman in the video did?

Of course, I want all of us to say “Yes,” but I am fully aware that many of us would not. In that case, would the answer change IF he chooses to honor her, IF she chooses to honor him?

One last observation. What is the only requirement to changing the environment between us? Or our environment anywhere? Our choice to act. If we knew we could change the space in our homes with one choice, would we make that decision? Would we stop keeping score, cutting with our words, detaching, punishing each other with our tones or disconnection? Would we speak positively, encourage, and support each other?

And, apparently, what I meant was 2 more observations. The 2nd is…what would our lives look like IF we chose to honor ourselves? Maybe that’s an even bigger ask. We often speak to us in a more destructive manner than we would ever speak to another. We commit such acts of violence towards ourselves, whether it is staying in abusive relationships, acting as if we are absolutely worthless in countless ways.

…And all (I say “all” fully knowing it’s a Herculean “all”) it takes is a choice. And then another, and another, and another. Until everything is different, a whole new creation.

More Than 1 Thing

October 1, 2024/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

Pete Rose died yesterday. The fear that was looming large over the new documentary was, will Baseball indict him into the Hall Of Fame before he dies? That answer, we now know, is no. I think that’s pretty sad. He certainly deserves to be there, based solely on his contribution to the game on the field. Of course, his personal character wouldn’t get him into anywhere nice and fancy, but it’s not the Integrity Hall Of Fame, it’s the baseball Hall Of Fame. Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens (and many others) should be in, too. It’s impossible to tell the story of baseball without them.

There’s a new documentary on Vince McMahon called “Mr. McMahon,” the visionary head of big time pro wrestling. I loved wrestling, and watching the doc was overwhelmingly nostalgic. My heart ached for the simple beauty of my experience of the time. (That’s the thing about nostalgia – it might not necessarily be an accurate depiction of the time, but it is mine, in my head.) Vince McMahon created this wonderful thing – he didn’t invent professional wrestling, but he might as well have – that was so meaningful to me, but he was, my almost all accounts, an awfully bad person. The law has been chasing him and his behavior for years and may have now caught him. We’ll see.

Another new doc is on Lyle & Eric Menendez, 2 brothers who murdered their parents. They were severely physically & sexually abused (I never know when it’s proper to use the word “allegedly”), had enough, and killed them. This story is full of conflicting truth and emotion. The parents were monsters (allegedly?), but did that mean they deserved to be murdered? Of course not. The boys were victims of horrible evil (allegedly?) and killers. They are all, at least, 2 things, probably a million more.

Lyle is apparently a husband, too. He’s been married twice while in prison. Incidentally, this is something that is totally unfathomable. Is this commentary on the sad state of men, where a woman would have to look in the prison population (locked up for homicide, no less) than at the local fitness club or on Match.com, OR is it an illustration of the mental health epidemic? Either way, it’s aggressive.

The best documentaries are interesting, in exactly this way. Lou Pearlman was a great Svengali for boy bands, pouring money & energy into these groups betting on their success. He was also a thief, building his own pyramid scheme as an altar to himself and his own greed. A prison administrator, Vicki White, was awesome, a competent worker, loving to everyone, a great friend and co-worker. She was also a woman who fell in love with a prisoner (also locked up for homicide!!!) and busted him out, and when they were finally caught at the end of their escape, committed suicide.

People are complex, with lots of facets. Some of those facets are the most glorious & pure you have ever seen. And sometimes they’re cracked and discolored. And, most of the time, we find all of them on the same person. You wouldn’t want Pete Rose as your friend, but he belonged in the Hall Of Fame, and will probably get in now. I would thank Vince McMahon if I’d ever meet him, but I kind of hope I don’t ever meet him. Barry Bonds gained 25 pounds of muscle and 2 hat sizes in 2 months, lied about how he did that, and was the best I’ve ever seen. We’re all more than just 1 thing, and empathy (or what I like to call, “becoming a human being”) is about learning to hold all of them with 2 hands.

Which One Is It?

September 27, 2024/The Bridge Faith Community/2 Comments

What’s the trait I value most about myself? That is an interesting question the site is posting today… There are 2 kinds of people in the world, ones who see everything good about themselves and those who see nothing good about themselves. Of course, we all have some of both, which reminds me of an exchange in Kill Bill, vol 2 between Bud and Elle:

Budd: So, which “R” you filled with? Elle Driver: What? Budd: They say the number one killer of old people is retirement. People got a job to do, they tend to live a little bit longer so they can do it. I’ve always figured that warriors and their enemies share the same relationship. So, now that you’re not gonna have to face your enemy no more on the battlefield, which “R” you filled with? Relief … or regret? Elle Driver: A little bit of both. Budd: I’m sure you do feel a little bit of both. But I know that you feel one more than you feel the other. And the question was, which one is it?

Elle feels regret, but that’s not important. If you haven’t seen the film, you really should, it’s amazing. But I often think about these “2 kinds of people,” Beatles or Stones scenarios. Today it’s All good v. Nothing good? The site prompt wants to know which one I am. I happen to be considering something just like this – it’s actually the reason I opened this iPad this morning.

The working definition of insanity is doing the same thing expecting different results, right? And it drives me crazy when others follow the same roads that are hurting them. It’s like re-watching a horror movie where we keep yelling at the screen, “don’t go in there!!!” But they always do. They don’t do anything different, keep swinging the same wrecking ball at their lives and reaping the consequences.

I have this theory (I have many theories) that most of us don’t want advice, we simply want you to say yes, we’re right. We don’t want to change, the pain of moving from this spot has to exceed the pain of staying, and no matter how much that pain is, it’s often less than the fear of new pain. So, I walk with them (I like that about me), kindly, hoping they choose another path before they catch on fire again and I am there to help put them out. I reason that, eventually, they will open their eyes and choose a new path. That’s why you want me walking next to you. I like that about me. I’m not judgy and I’ll let you crash, if that’s what you want, then I’ll get down next to you while we pick up the pieces. (It’s also why you don’t want me walking next to you, if you happen to be the ultra-rare kind of person who wants me to grab the wheel before impact.) This is frustrating to watch the people we love self-destruct.

There is a problem with my explanation…and my frustration. I have a poor physical self-image (getting better) and poor eating habits (not yet getting too much better). These 2 things are friends and feed each other. I eat the food that makes me feel like garbage and makes my body less than aesthetically pleasing (at least to me) and, because of this, sabotage myself by eating more of that trash. This has to stop, if I want to live the sort of life I deserve.

In most areas of my life, I’m very disciplined. I like that about me a lot. But in this area, I am completely insane. My explanation has a fatal flaw, and it’s that I use the word “they,” because it’s not they at all. It’s me, it’s us. I don’t like this mirror, because I don’t like this part of me.

Now, I’m going to get to work today digging into my soul and psyche, trying to use my imagination to shift my perspective. But first, which one am I? I don’t like some things about me, that is absolutely true. But I like many more, and that number keeps growing for the same reason I keep walking paths with others long after everybody else peels off: hope. I am a genuinely hopeful man, I believe in you and I now believe in me. Of course, this is rooted in my belief in Jesus, which requires me to love us enough to hope. That’s my favorite thing about me, the trait I value the most, but I guess the truth is that it’s Jesus that is that part of me. So, He’s my favorite part of me. And He’s my favorite part of you, too. That’s why we can keep messing up, living loops, I can keep eating like a manic 6 year old, and it doesn’t define us, we are still beautiful, we are still worthy, we are still lovable, and we are still loved. And these same still’s are also why I, why we, can be free to change.

Changes

September 25, 2024/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

I have an interesting job – I’m a pastor of a faith community. This is not something I would’ve ever picked for myself. In fact, quite the opposite. Pastor is not a viable career path when you don’t believe in God, and I didn’t until the last month or 2 of my college experience. Then, everything changed, and along the way I ended up here.

We began this community in my living room when our church closed down, and now we rent a church building. I tell you this because, when we started, I made the decision that we would go verse-by-verse through the Bible in our teaching. This would ensure 1) that I always had something to talk about, 2) that I wouldn’t be a prisoner of current events or my own opinions and/or pet causes, and 3) so I couldn’t avoid particularly scary, controversial passages that I didn’t necessarily want to talk about.

That strategy has served us very, very well. No matter where we are in this ancient book, it always happens to dovetail nicely with today’s cultural landscape. And we’ve had to discuss war, empire, politics, homosexuality, the MCU, Morrissey – all the big divisive pitfalls. Of course, we’ve had people leave because of an interpretation (that I hold, or held at the time) of the passages, but mostly we face the same direction and dive in together, trying hard to be unoffendable.

We’re in a space now that commands the “wives” to “submit to your husbands.” If you knew how many brides-to-be ask me not to talk about this very verse in their ceremony, you would, well, you wouldn’t be shocked at all. People have been cut up and ruined by these verses, it is absolutely understandable that they would not want to face them on a Sunday morning with me.

I begin the talk with “we go verse-by-verse, so I can’t avoid these topics. This isn’t one I’d choose to drag out into the open.” It gets a little uncomfortable laugh, and hopefully disarms some of us. The thing is, it’s not true. It certainly was true, it’s just not anymore. I wasn’t anxious at all, if anything, I was excited to “drag it out into the open.” And as I was feeling that, I said that, too.

We walk, learn, grow and change. (Hopefully, we change. That’s the plan. Imagine if we were the same people we were in 5th grade, when we were 21, last week!) We don’t care so much about the things we used to care about, we care much more about others.

My Sunday fear of controversy has old, deep roots. I used to be afraid someone wouldn’t like my perspective, and that they’d leave. Let me tell you, that does hurt a heart like mine, but it would be totally my fault. They didn’t like ME, I wasn’t enough. And as a pleaser since forever, that is terrifying. I spent so long twisting myself into what you, or she, or he, or they, wanted me to be. I was an actor on a stage, performing for who was currently in the audience.

So, as we grow, it’s mostly in small baby steps. Almost unnoticeably. Like when we gain or lose some weight, we don’t gain/lose 30 pounds in a night and look in the mirror at a face that isn’t our own. We don’t even notice that we’re up or down 0.2lb, and then another 0.4lb, then our pants don’t quite fit. I’m not a Democrat or Republican for my whole life then stop on my way to the polls and say, “wait a minute, no I’m not!” We just find ourselves pulling different levers because we’re no longer who we were. When did this happen? Who knows? There isn’t usually a discernible point where we were one thing and now we’re another.

And then we stand up there in front of our friends and say the things we’ve always said and realize, this isn’t true anymore. That is a wonderful feeling. And what about those who disagree? I don’t want them to go, of course, but if they are there only because I say the things they already believe, or they need me to agree with them (and some do), then that’s how it’ll be. I can no longer pretend. There’s simply no time for that. We have too much work to do to waste time on intellectual/emotional/spiritual contortionism.

Change isn’t ever comfortable, growth comes with pain, but this is me, here & now, with all of the spaces that I’m really awesome AND the spaces where I’m just the worst. I give all of them freely to everyone, in love and grace, and in that offering, I ask for the same (sometimes – more than you’d ever guess – I get it). I’m grateful for the soul-rest of knowing/liking myself. I’m grateful to be a work in progress. I’m grateful for the changes.

What Would The Algorithm Think?

September 19, 2024/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

I think I told you I re-signed up for a Netflix subscription when I picked up the NFL Network for Sunday RedZone. I love football, and perhaps even more so, I love the ritual of Sunday afternoons with my family, all of the games, and the host Scott Hansen.

(Now, this makes me think about the Greeks having lots of words for love. I love my sons, my wife…and football? Surely, I don’t love them the same. It shouldn’t be the same word, right? But we only have one, and under those rules, I do love the Dallas Cowboys. And now that I think about it, my love for a faceless organization is pretty unconditional. I can’t think of another product that I would continue to patronize if the product was inferior. I would stop using Dawn dish detergent if it didn’t clean the dishes. Why don’t I move away from the Dallas Cowboys after nearly 30 years of heartbreak? Heartbreak? It’s not heartbreak, it’s just sports. Maybe we need to rethink the words we use.)

So, this Netflix subscription has unlocked many new documentaries. I know more now about Jessica Wongso, Laci Peterson, a couple that was so badly mistreated over a home invasion/kidnapping/sexual assault that nobody believed, and several others. Most of them have, as their subject, murder or, at the very least, violence. I don’t mind violence in movies, but I mind it a lot in real life. (I mind sexual assault the most, I stay away from that at all costs. I did not know about it’s inclusion in the home invasion doc, and I was sorry immediately.) And I always recoil over any discussion on murder. So why do I gravitate to these sorts of films?

I prefer quirky, like Chicken People or Super Size Me, where no one dies. Even the Chimpanzee one on Max was pretty strange & terrific. There aren’t that many of those, though. Especially in relation to the tsunami of serial killers and psychopaths. A series on bad roommates and exes is good enough, tickling weirdos and toy collectors is better yet. (Not that all ticklers are weirdos because they enjoy tickle competitions, but some of them are. There are weirdos in any avenue. I would surmise there are more per 100 in competitive tickling, though.)

I wonder why there are so many murder-docs? Why are they so popular? This seems to say much more about us than it does about the filmmakers or even the subjects. So, what does it say about me? I wish a little that we could see our own AI algorithms, made up of our aggregate thumbs ups and downs, and how we actually choose to spend our time. What would my algorithm think about me?

But I probably don’t really want to know that. Sometimes, it’s best not to ask questions and enjoy the games, instead.

Love With A Capital L

A journey towards living an inspired life of love in the modern world