2025-07-21T16:49:27+00:00

Many Weddings

July 21, 2025July 21, 2025/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

I began this post over a year ago, and it sat in my draft folder until today. Here it is:

“Over 2 weeks some months ago, I had the honor and privilege of officiating 2 very different wedding ceremonies. The first one was at a gorgeous venue, was big and fancy, everything and everyone looking like they had fallen straight out of a magazine. Back in my day, there were magazines, sort of like glossy colorful newspapers. Well, I guess a better example, since newspapers don’t exist anymore, is a physical website you can hold in your hands. The second was very small and intimate, only family, held under a tent in a backyard. They were stunning but taken from a different magazine.

I have done big & fancy before, and sometimes it means time, attention, resources, given to one of the most significant events in 2 people’s lives. They commit their lives to each other and to the God who created them and loves them dearly. Other times it means pomp and superficiality, empty cost, an excuse for a giant party in our honor.

And I have done small & intimate, and sometimes it means stripping down any artifice, until it’s only 2 people and the God who created them and loves them dearly, committing their lives to each other. Others, it’s cheap and easy, simply a box checked with as little disruption as possible.”

I’m sharing it with you today because I’m thinking about weddings. Saturday, 2 of our friends married in a small-ish ceremony that was absolutely gorgeous. The way they looked at each other, gave themselves to each other, it was lovely and affirmed all of our hope in an institution that is increasingly disposable. At dinner, my son finished his “champagne” before the toast, and we learned that toasting with anything other than champagne (real or otherwise) is bad luck. I don’t know if the bad luck is for the couple or the one toasting with a substitute (the superstition rings of a marketers invention, though, right?), but I said, “They don’t need our luck. They’ll be fine.”

I suppose everyone says that, but in this case, I feel that it is comfortably true.

Anyway, like I said, I get to officiate lots of weddings. This wasn’t mine to perform, I just sat, empty handed, and soaked in their love & commitment. But I’ve seen so many, with so many people, so many wonderful stories, getting married for very good (and not so very good) reasons. The earlier draft post was, actually, more like 3 or 4 years ago, and I remember the 2 like they happened this morning.

I love people in love, Jesus, and His gift of marriage. Many of us try to find any excuse to miss weddings and funerals, but I find them inspiring, sometimes the only spaces where we can find authenticity in a fake world. But like everything else, other times that authenticity is grossly absent. You can find pretense in gigantic weddings just as well as in living room weddings. And you can also find the searing image-making that makes board rooms so insufferable at the altar.

But I like to think that it’s less likely.

People dress in all sorts of ways, too. I can’t tell if it’s image-making to dress in a sharply tailored suit or in a sleeveless tee & jeans. Probably both. Each stands out in their own way, at times. I am an old-fashioned man, in many ways, so I happen to believe that propriety is dictated by the situation. Using this definition, anything that wrestles attention away from the bride (and, to a lesser extent, the groom) is wildly inappropriate. Officiants are often inappropriate, as are the family members who can’t help but to argue and make a mess all over someone else’s big day.

And now I’m thinking of a wedding I did about 2 years ago for a young couple – one I’d place in my top 5 ever. As the first guests began to arrive, I noticed a bizarre steampunk aesthetic that I initially believed was a ridiculous costume. (Ridiculous not because it was steampunk, which is super-interesting and cool, but because it felt like an obvious attention grab.) But then, more and more steampunks filled the space, and the atmosphere took on a distinct, fascinating, connected vibe that is impossible to manufacture. They were a big, extended family who shared actual, lived-in, lives. It was so intentional, everyone was perfectly dressed, I imagined they had meticulously planned their outfits.

The reason it’s in my top 5 is the reason we love anything: Because the people involved are present and hopeful, they are a community of different people who all love this couple and love & celebrate each other, in their lives. Big, small, well-planned, years in advance, or elopements, all weddings create new worlds, but no matter what they look like, it’s the heart behind them that decide if they’re worlds actually worth creating.

Nostalgia, pt II

July 16, 2025/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

I’m 2 episodes deep into Death And Other Details on Hulu right now. The Angel and I watched the George Clooney-Julia Roberts vehicle Ticket To Paradise last week, and The Devil Wears Prada this week. I had not seen either of them, even though I had wanted to see The Devil Wears Prada since it was in the theater. Recently finishing the 9 seasons of Seinfeld, my son and I began to watch Arrested Development.

That’s the equivalent of a photo dump on Instagram. This is what I’ve watched, and there isn’t much to say about any of them. I loved the Clooney-Roberts romcom, probably not as much as Prada, but there are lots and lots of worse ways to pass an evening with your special lady. We laugh out loud at Arrested Development often. Death And Other Details feels like something I’ll continue to really like. It fills a void left from The Residence (which was awesome).

I’m listening to many, many songs. The modern age is still a huge adjustment. I’ve always been an album guy, and now there aren’t too many albums, just singles, and the medium doesn’t really support/encourage album listening. Vinyl was great for that. You would put a record on and listen to an entire side, it was never background music. It was intentional and rewarding. Cassettes were a product of the time – the music was pretty disposable and hit-and-miss. You’d fast forward the garbage, rewind for the singles. CDs were both, easy enough to hear one song over and over, but versatile enough for laying down in bed with the liner notes and letting the whole thing play.

As I write, my ages old iPod is playing the first 6 or so albums from Alkaline Trio. It’s purposeful background music. I miss a few songs here and there, but when I get up & go to the kitchen for a drink or the bathroom, I sing every word.

Very little is intentional, as far as the art I consume, right about now. I haven’t even listened to the new Sarah McLachlan song more than once or twice. Maybe I like it, maybe I don’t, who knows after 2 listens? I mean, I know I like it (after all, it is Sarah McLachlan), but do I really love it? Do I really love anything anymore?

I think I saw Point Break in the theater 25 times, and another 200 times on VHS. I know all the lines and subtleties. Yes, I was in high school and didn’t have a job or a wife & kids, but that was a part of me, a part of culture, I quite liked. Listening along to the new album, reading the lyrics, was great. I felt like I knew the artists, why they created the stuff that meant so much to me.

Now, I listen to a lot of EMELINE. I have no idea why it’s all capitalized, don’t even know if it’s a band (I think it’s just one woman, but I wouldn’t bet on it). Maybe she has a long career behind her, but I don’t know. I could find out easily, but… Well, just but. I don’t know if she writes these songs herself, with a team, or not at all! I suppose I could follow her on social media and know everything she wants me to know, blur the lines between us, and probably buy the clothes she wears in her posts.

This might be an age thing, I am a thousand years old, but aging requires a certain amount of nostalgia. Everything was better when I was young, right? It sure was, even when it wasn’t. Maybe not every song in the 90’s was amazing, but truth honestly doesn’t play too much of a role in my memories. It’s the feeling, maybe it’s the simplicity that I miss. Maybe we’ve seen too much to be so naive and innocent.

I do know nothing about Diff’rent Strokes or Blood Sugar Sex Magik compares to the Angel, and I wouldn’t go back there for all the money in the world. Maybe I just wish I had been more intentional about holding on to some things, instead of leaving them all so far behind. Or maybe I never had a choice at all.

What a strange post this has turned out to be. I don’t know what the point is, or why I’m writing. I’ll have to make dinner soon. It’ll be spaghetti in a big pot, and we’ll each eat when we get time.

You know, there is a thing called a liturgical calendar, with seasons like Advent and Lent, separated by Ordinary Time. This post is like that, Ordinary Time. Maybe it’s a rebellion against that notion at all, the notion that any time is Ordinary. Maybe we reclaim the Ordinary when we notice it’s happening as it’s happening, and acknowledge it’s tremendous value.

Sprawling

July 10, 2025/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

The hosting site wants to know when I go to bed and when I wake up, and that seems kind of personal, doesn’t it? Early. I go to bed and wake up early. Anyway.

I’m reading a book called A Beautifully Foolish Endeavor, which is the sequel to An Absolutely Remarkable Thing, both written by Hank Green. I bought the first one on vacation last year, but only read it a few weeks ago, on this year’s beach trip. It looked & sounded good, but (and I recognize this is going to sound ridiculous) Hank Green is the author of very-popular young adult novels, the most famous, well known being The Fault In Our Stars, and I didn’t really want to read young adult fiction. See, ridiculous, right? Even more so when you find out…

I’ll tell you what I found out, but first let me tell you that, once I started Absolutely Remarkable Thing, I could not put it down. It’s so great. And the moment I finished it, on a quick Google search, I discovered there was a sequel and ordered it that second. I also discovered that JOHN Green is the young adult author who wrote Fault In Our Stars! HANK Green is his brother!!! I waited a year on a faulty conclusion of a wildly silly artificial obstacle.

Who cares if it was a young adult book??? Sheesh. Nobody. And if there is such a person, can you imagine the depressing lack of interest or engagement in his/her own life? Judgment is so dumb and boring.

The books are awesome, assuming this Endeavor sticks the ending. Even if it doesn’t, the last 100 pages can’t undo the brilliance of the previous 600. If I’d meet this Hank Green, I’d tell him. Maybe I’ll direct message him or something. Maybe I should also apologize to his brother for my foolish hang-up.

The books are about fame, social media, virtual reality, aliens, progress & scientific discovery, but mostly they’re about human connection and relationships. The books make me think of that ‘Bowling Alone’ idea that we explored months ago – more people bowl but less are in leagues. More of us bowl alone. At this particular part of the book, a new totally immersive virtual program has so thoroughly captured humanity, the economy is crashing because the businesses are suffering, also the churches (let’s not be so cynical for a little, and differentiate business from church) and parks. People are staying home, plugged into their headsets.

I know the internet is wonderful, full of promise and beauty. But there is a cost. There is a cost to everything. The only question is what we’re willing to pay. I think the scariest part of this is when we no longer see that question – either we don’t think we have a choice or we are so blind the avalanche of consequences. I can use my Amazon Music, and looove that they know me as well as they do. The mixes they choose for me are always right on. I get all sorts of new, cool songs that I would not otherwise find. But how do they know me so well? Because I’ve given my shopping history, search bar, emails, texts, instagram posts, these blogs, locations, social security and credit card numbers, mother’s maiden name, “my list” on Netflix, and birthdate in exchange. How could they not know me so well? And is it worth it for the Discovery Mix?

I guess it is, but the books ask, what if they (whoever ‘they’ are) want more and more? Will I know? Will I be able to say no?

A comic book villain named Mephisto was recently introduced in the MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe), who is based on the devil or Mephistopheles from “Faust.” He offers what a person wants the most in exchange for their soul. They almost never know he’s a villain. We might not even need a demon to tempt us, we might be only too willing to give our soul away to the next shiny technology. We might not be able to tell if it’s a villain, either.

Train Wrecks

July 7, 2025/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

Netflix has a series called Trainwreck, where it details certain cultural, um, train wrecks. The first one I remember seeing was Woodstock ‘99. It was fascinating, a nearly perfect documentary, and must have been well received, as it became a series. Woodstock ‘99 was a chimaera of greed, poor planning, ego – I could continue, but I guess it was just a chimaera of the lowest human experience. It was an account of our tendency to sink to Lord of the Flies (mis)behavior, if only given the opportunity.

I guess all of these Train Wrecks follow that same formula.

The Cult of American Apparel and the unfortunately named Poop Cruise are the newest additions.

Poop Cruise is exactly what it sounds like. A cruise ship set sail, with as many warnings as passengers, and once at sea, the electrical system burned up and left the floating skyscraper dead in the water. Apparently, the toilets on a cruise ship are somehow tied into the electricity, so when the engines & lights went out, so did the toilets. After a day or 2, the floors were covered in raw sewage. The doc is an hour long account of manufactured suffering. Carnival escaped catastrophic financial punishment by absolving itself from anything at all in the contract everyone signed. Some kind of utterly shocking “we are not responsible for safe passage, clean, working facilities or the food, in any way” rider that either no one read or believed.

American Apparel was a clothing company that was allegedly enormous in the mid-2000’s. I say ‘allegedly’ because I had no idea it existed. This is unusual, as I make it my business to know what’s going on in the popular culture. The ads were soft-core porn, the clothes were unremarkable, and the CEO Dov Charney is a psychopathic monster who assaulted (emotionally, verbally, sexually) everyone who happened to cross his path. He’s not a nice person, was fired after a mountain of horrific lawsuits piled up against him, and today works for Kanye West. That sounds about right.

Money is the American god, and business is our religion. If it pays, we’re in. We’ll excuse any, and all, means to those ends. Travis Scott’s AstroWorld disaster is the subject of another Train Wreck. People died at this concert, with almost no accountability. Apparently, much like the famous Spiderman meme where several Spider-men are pointing at each other, no one was in charge, no one was to blame. Safety was no one’s job. There wasn’t an adult in the room. And when it came time to get some answers, the only answer was cash, and as it turns out, that’s good enough for us. Oh well, it’s just human lives.

The shows are pretty depressing, to be honest. Mirrors often are. Is this really who we are? I have to believe we are not, even in the face of conflicting evidence, stories replayed on a loop, just with a different company logo and new shell game.

If learning about our history is the way to assure we don’t repeat it (and that’s what we’re always told, right? Those who don’t learn about history are doomed to repeat it, right? Maybe it’s true, I’ll take your word for it), then these Train Wrecks are public services. I’m imagining conference rooms full of CEO’s watching them, weeping and tearing their clothes, immediately overhauling their policy manuals, creating ethical, humane paragons of virtue. Probably, the reason we haven’t noticed this revolution is because it takes a while for the effects to reach the consumer. It should be any moment, now…

Helpful Lies

June 30, 2025June 30, 2025/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

Before we begin, I just want to state out loud how soul-crushing a salad can be. Even a “good” one. Today’s lunch was a pre-packaged apple walnut chicken salad. Maybe the “pre-packaged” was my mistake. Or maybe it was the apples or the walnuts or the feta cheese. Or maybe it just was nothing more than that it was a salad. I’m trying to make good choices with the things I put in my mouth (is a salad a good choice???)…baby steps.

I can be so disciplined in some areas of my life, while being a 6 year-old in others. I wonder how both can be true. I can go to the gym at 5am every day but I can’t seem to not eat the garbage that I know will make me sick. I don’t always like the gym, but it’s so much a part of me and what I do that I don’t even consider if I want to. But in the kitchen, I want, therefore I eat.

When you look up discipline, much of what comes up in definitions is related to punishment. That doesn’t seem like a truly transformative practice. People don’t usually make healthy changes from a negative posture, from the “Do/Don’t…or else,” school of thought.

This is what Wikipedia says: Self-discipline refers to one’s ability to control one’s behavior and actions to achieve a goal or to maintain a certain standard of conduct. It is the ability to train oneself to do things that should be done and resist things that should be avoided…Self-discipline can also be defined as the ability to give up immediate pleasures for long-term goals…Self-discipline is about one’s ability to control their desires and impulses to keep themselves focused on what needs to get done to successfully achieve a goal.It is about taking small, consistent steps of daily action to build a strong set of disciplined habits that fulfill your objectives. One trains themselves to follow rules and standards that help determine, coalesce, and line up one’s thoughts and actions with the task at hand. Small acts allow one to achieve greater goals. The key component of self-discipline is the trait of perseverance…Discipline is about internal and external consistencies.

I think Wikipedia is more right than the rest of the scholars out there. The root of discipline means “to teach,” but the root of punishment means “pain.”

I wonder what my problem is, using this definition as our guide. I do have the ability to train my oneself to do things that should be done and resist things that should be avoided. Maybe I don’t use it when it comes to Oreos, but it is something I have in my repertoire. Focus? I don’t have a disorder or anything. I can focus for long periods. Sometimes, though, my focus drifts to focusing on Oreos, and then that positive trait isn’t quite so positive. I can be very consistent. Maybe I lack perseverance? When I take personality tests, they always tell me I lack follow through. Is that the same? But as I get older, I follow through, maybe what they mean is that I lack the desire to follow through.

Wikipedia also says this: An action conforms to a value. In other words, one allows values to determine one’s own choices.

An action conforms to a value. That’s awesome. In many, many contexts. There’s a cliché, when people show you who they are, believe them. Because actions conform to values. Maybe I simply don’t value eating properly. Why not? I think I do.

But when the couple comes to me and the boy says, “I love her, I just treat her like trash sometimes,” we all know the action supersedes the hollow words. He doesn’t love her, at least not in any meaningful way, not in any higher definition of love. He loves how she makes him feel, or the idea of her, or the idea of being with someone, or whatever.

So, you can be forgiven for saying I don’t value healthy eating. You’re right, I suppose. Maybe I value the idea of eating good, or saying I do. The action is conforming to the value, isn’t it?

How do I change a value? When I searched that, it tells me through introspection and reflection. If that was enough, I’d be the foremost authority on healthy eating habits. I do not lack in introspection or reflection. Every article just says more and more of the same, think about it, visualize what you want, and on and on.

It’s much harder to visualize, “I want to eat better, so I can be a healthy man, inside and out,” than it is to visualize abs. I don’t really want abs, too much. I’ve never had them, so I don’t miss them or anything.

I’ll be 50 this year. It’s important, and it probably starts with transforming the way I think about salad. Today, for lunch, I had a terrific apple walnut salad and it was so satisfying & delicious!!! (Maybe transformation can begin with a helpful lie, and continue until it’s not a lie. Who knows?)

Stats and Possibilities

June 23, 2025/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

The site is asking me how I practice self-care, and then I’ll tell you what’s on my mind today.

When we were on vacation, the biggest drawback of the Airbnb as opposed to the hotel, were the mornings. In a hotel, I’d silently pick up my things and leave the room, go down to the lobby, and spend the next hour or 3 reading, writing, whatever. At home, I begin most mornings at the gym. If I don’t go, I eat breakfast and then read, write, whatever. I didn’t realize just how important this daily routine is. So, that’s it, probably. The most important self-care practice I have is the way I enter each day. It’s not always the same, but it allows me to intentionally connect to my, body, mind, my life.

Now, here’s my question…Who are you?

The site also emails me, from time to time, about the stats of this blog. Is anyone reading what I write? Is any post more engaging than others? If anyone is actually reading, who is it? Where are they (you) from?

While fairly plugged in, I choose to not participate in much of the social mediasphere. I think the stats (and communicating them to me) are designed to help me tailor posts for the greatest possibility of engagement. For instance, if a post on cereal gets more likes than one on oatmeal, I would theoretically write more about cereal. Probably, a wild-eyed political rant would stomp them both, in terms of clicks. The problem is that I don’t care about that, not even a little bit. It seems disingenuous and manipulative. It seems like a reader would want to read the people who write about the things they want to, that turn them on, the things that touch their hearts, instead of the things someone thinks they’d like. Maybe that’s true. Maybe it’s not, though, now that I think about it.

I read articles on Morrissey, the MCU, Dallas Cowboys, and other topics I search for. I rarely search for writers, certainly not on the internet.

Maybe I should care. Maybe more cereal posts is quality marketing. Do I care about marketing myself? Should I care about marketing? Isn’t everything marketing???

All of this stat conversation brings me to what I really do care about.: Who are you? How did you get here? I see some of the same names ‘liking’ the posts, and I’d love to know who you are and hear your stories. How do we do that? Is it as simple of Google-ing the names and cyber-stalking? If I see the names, does that mean you have blogs, too? Then, I should read those, right?

The internet is such a beautiful tool for connection, not just food pictures, disinformation, and porn. It can bring all of us, with all of our different experiences, backgrounds, demographics, together. My question is, how do we do that?

I got out of my car the other day, and there was this little boy (about 3ish years old) across the street. He yells over to me, “What are you doing?” Not aggressive or judgy, just curious. “I’m just home from the gym.” “Why?” “Well, I like to go to the gym.” “Why?” “It helps me move my body and relax a little. What are you doing?” “Just eating this cookie.” “Good cookie?” “Yep. See you, then.”

And I thought, maybe that’s what’s missing. Maybe I just don’t ask enough people what they’re doing. Everybody reads on the beach, and in 4 days, I didn’t ask 1 person what they were reading. In my last post, I thought about a podcast/Facebook live with guests. Maybe that’s what it would look like, just me and you, and we could begin with, “what are you doing?”

It feels a little like, the more we are connected online, the further we are apart. I guess it’s up to us to change that, isn’t it?

Every New Beginning Comes From Some Other Beginning’s End

June 19, 2025/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

I’ve coached my last game, spent my last day in the high school weight room. My youngest son has graduated, and will be leaving for college in August. My oldest son has a great job. Better yet, they are 2 of the best human beings I’ve ever met. The Angel is The Angel (and yes, it’s still very obvious I’ve married well out of my league, but that’s her problem, not mine – I say that a lot, and I really, really like to say it). The church is on solid footing, or at least as solid of footing as a ministry can be. God can call any of us in a different direction at any time. It’s best not to be too comfortable with these sorts of things. I could lose some weight, but probably many of us could/would say that. Maybe I will. Maybe not.

But the question that keeps rearing it’s bright-eyed, exciting, excited head is one I love: Now what?

I referred, in my last post, to a hope for the time & space on vacation to bring some clarity, some light in a dark hallway for the next steps. It didn’t, exactly, which is both disappointing and awesome.

So, here’s what I’m thinking…

I am a rescued, redeemed child of God, husband, dad, brother, friend, pastor, possibly exceptional dancer, lover of everything, including this life I have been given, you and pop songs. My ministry is to love, and to tell everybody how much they are loved, what the Gospel is, and why that matters so much. That is who I am.

Now, what will I do, in service of that ministry/life?

I am always working on the sermons for Sunday mornings, and will continue my commitment to this call to pastor our beautiful community – an increased imagination will probably lead to more Saturday evening events, and different risks, at the Bridge. There will be a focus on a marriage curriculum. I do some marriage counseling (pre- and post- marital) and will make myself available for more and more of that, in pointed, individual & group, class-ish contexts. There is a new book in the works, which will be called, We Have a Weight Problem, which is not actually about body weight. (Well, it’s a little bit about body weight. It’s more about the value we give to things in our lives and how we’d go about changing those lives.) It’s a good title, right?

I post in 2 places every week (the Bridge Faith Community, and Love With A Capital L), and may increase that frequency. I should probably do some interesting things to get those posts in front of more eyes.

[I often treat my work as if it is a secret. I guess it’s residual ash from from setting fire to my imposter syndrome. As if I think you might not want to see or read it, and if you did, you might not like it. That’s silly. Of course it’s true!! You might not like it, but that’s ok. I don’t like all Morrissey songs, and I’m not the greatest singer of all time. I’m not for everyone, you might actually hate my work, but you might not, too. In fact, it might be cool, it might give you a new perspective, you might think it’s awesome. I’m going to stop treating these things as if they’re a fancy club, where you have to know the password to get in. I’m going to invite you to the Bridge.]

There’s a new series that will show up somewhere called “What I’ve Learned,” I just don’t know where. Maybe here. I might begin a podcast-type thing, like the old Facebook minis (10 minute shorts), but with other people and their ideas and viewpoints. I’ll follow up on the Bull Elephants (if you know what that means, you know, if not, I’ll explain it another time). I’ll make a new Instagram Bridge page, where I’ll invite you to the Bridge, and keep you posted on any-/everything else. I’ll be at our mid-week prayer group, and increase the opportunities for connection with the people I know, and the people I meet. These connections will be to counsel or coach, to provide space to ask questions and discover the answers, to study the Bible, to discern spiritual gifts, or to build & strengthen the bonds of friendship.

I don’t think the Church is a place people come to, I think the Church is a group of people that go from a certain geographical, local home. Our ministries are in places you are, at town squares, malls, grocery stores and fields. We cannot just walk around trying to build attendance in our local churches, as altars to ourselves. Instead, we’re called to GO. Much of the next steps, as far as I can see today, are loosely tied to where I/we already are (but maybe that’s bound to be the case) .

I am not discouraged at this. (I once would have been, and would have thrown this all away immediately.) What this means now is that I show up and am faithful with what is here in my ever-growing circles. Maybe there will be time for all of this, maybe just for one or 2. All I can be is fully present in where I am, what I am doing. But I am also paying attention to all the burning bushes, looking for the ones that aren’t consumed, because it’s often there that God gives our specific GO.

So, what now? Well, I’ll love who & what is in my path – Jesus, you, me, everybody, this lovely creation – in the ways I can, and if (and when) my path changes, or expands, I’ll love there, too. And i’ll be really, really grateful for all of it.

expectations

June 19, 2025/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

We have a summer family vacation every year. I’m always thrilled with it, as it is a time to (mostly) disconnect from devices and the strength taskmaster of the planet Busy, and connect with each other. Last year, it was also a time of pretty significant transformation for me – as I was in the ocean, a big beautiful Truth swam right up to me and punched me in the face. It’s not much of an overreach to say it changed me forever. I expected it again this year.

We usually stay in a hotel, but this year I chose to book with an Airbnb. Instead of 2 beds in 1 room, we would have different rooms, a kitchen and a living room. There would be privacy, time and space. I know there are many kinds of Airbnb’s, from mansions to single rooms in apartments. I am also sure that the one I chose was properly described. I just had a different picture in my head that I was expecting.

The Angel had wrapped up the school year 2 days before we left. Often, we go a few weeks after the end, after she has a solid start on her summer school responsibilities. This year, we left immediately, to allow her to breathe and decompress on the sand, before those responsibilities began. I expected her to easily transition from the extra-stressful end-of-year to the peaceful vacation state of rest.

Our summer vacation was outstanding, but…

Counting Crows released August & Everything After on September 14, 1993, and it remains a perfect album. When their next album, Recovering The Satellites, came out, we all expected another A+ album, and it was fine. But it was not our expectations and paled in comparison to the album in our heads.

The Goo Goo Dolls have never released an A+ album, they’re all pretty much in the B+ to C range. Some songs (like “We Are The Normal”) are really great, and some are absolutely unlistenable. This is what we expect from the Goo Goo Dolls, and they rarely disappoint. We don’t expect anything different, anything more. If Counting Crows would release a Goo Goo Dolls album, with great songs sitting neatly next to trash, it would be widely considered THE WORST ALBUM OF ALL TIME. But in our minds, it’s just a solid Goo Goo Dolls album.

Our opinion has very little to do with the actual album, it’s our interpretation of it, seen through the paradigm of our expectations.

Nothing life changing happened, the Airbnb was a 2 room ‘motel,’ with virtually no privacy or quiet space. The Angel needs the days to decompress to regain some semblance of control before we go. All of my expectations were wrong. I expected myself to be slow, easy, and fully present. I was mistaken about that, too. Expectations make presence nearly impossible, because we’re focused on how it is supposed to be.

In hindsight, our vacation was wonderful. I just wish I had taken some more time to enjoy it, free of the weight of should’s & supposed to’s. As a matter of fact, I want to take that last sentence into my life, to smash all expectations I have for things and people and myself, and just enjoy them as the beautiful gifts they/we are. I’m finding that gratitude and expectation are probably mutually exclusive.

But, now that I think about it, maybe that is the Truth of this trip. Maybe it was more transformative than I guessed. Maybe the laughter of the board games, the softness of the Angel’s tanned skin and lovely smile, and the time just eating, walking, swimming, and putting on suntan lotion, together, was the best gift of all. I wonder if this mindful look back is exactly what I needed to see it for what it was…

Maybe it was actually better than I expected.

Quintessence!!

June 9, 2025/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

Today’s site prompt is: If humans had taglines, what would yours be, and why?

First, what exactly is a tagline? I’m pretty sure I don’t have one, but maybe if I knew what one actually is, I would need one. So… “A tagline is a slogan or catchphrase, especially as used in advertising, or the punchline of a joke. Strategic tools to convey the quintessence of a brand’s identity and values in a compact form.”

Am I advertising me? I’m not a joke, I don’t need a punchline, but I could probably use a strategy to convey the “quintessence” of my identity & values in a compact form. Maybe it just takes too long to get to know me (or anyone) and we could all use taglines.

[It might sound like I am maligning these site prompts, but as it turns out, (even if I begin the post meaning to do just that), I always find them interesting. They’re a great tool to communicate. I wonder if a person writes them, or if it’s an AI prompt generator. It’s probably not a person, right? Not much is, anymore, I guess. I heard most news stories are generated. That’s sad, for some reason. I am a real, flesh and blood, person. But what is my catchphrase??? Maybe it could be, “Chad – a real person.” That would tell you a lot. But I bet that’s what a robot would say, too. It would use the acronym IRL, like kids on social media. I would not use it for me. You know what I could do? Change it to “In Real Love.” I don’t know what that means, am I in real love? Or am I the object of real love? Both.]

I don’t use the word “quintessence” enough. It’s a thing’s “perfect, ideal” example. It’s also “the fifth and highest element in ancient and medieval philosophy that permeates all nature and is the substance composing the celestial bodies.” It feels like the site means the first one, though. Maybe we’re talking medieval philosophy and the celestial bodies, but I don’t think so.

So, what is a phrase/word/sentence that’s the quintessential representation of me?

I like lots of cool things, art and words like quintessence. I like people most. I’m religious and spiritual. (I know the proper form is “spiritual, but not religious,” and I do know what it means, in a modern, popular context, but I don’t like it anymore. Religious means “Belief in/reverence for God,” and “Respect for what is sacred.” As I suspected, I am quite religious. You know what we do too often? We throw things – words, ideas, etc – out instead of reclaiming them. Just because things have baggage, or have been corrupted, doesn’t make them the problem. Our judgment is. We throw people away who have baggage, too, instead of reclaiming them as what/who they truly are.) I’m married, and I love that I am. I am a dad of 2 boys, and I love that I am that, too. I am deeply grateful, for every moment of this beautiful life in which I have found myself.

Maybe that’s it. “Chad – Real, Grateful.”

Is that my quintessence? If I were advertising me, would that convince you that I am a product you needed to have in your life? Maybe. But maybe I’m not primarily a product, and maybe you’re not primarily a consumer. Maybe we’re just us, just people, and maybe we are just in each other’s lives for no other reason than that we want to.

Graduation Is Not Like Andor

June 2, 2025June 2, 2025/The Bridge Faith Community/Leave a comment

My youngest son’s high school graduation happened last Friday, and as it turned out, after much reflection, it was not like Andor at all.

This is what I wrote in last week’s post: The Angel & I have 2 sons, and the youngest one graduates from high school Friday. I’ll write about that next week, when it has passed and I have some sort of handle on my overflowing emotions. I also can’t seem to shake the notion that the 2nd season of Andor will help me with that handle. Who knows?

Andor was excellent, as good as anyone had any right to expect, as good as Star Wars can be, as good as any work of science fiction has ever been. The characters are awesome, well-written and complex, the story is layered, full of suspense, twists and turns. Maybe that’s like graduation. The students are complex and awesome. The story of their childhood & adolescence has been layered, full of suspense, ups, downs, surprises, heartbreak, elation, disappointment.

What I maybe didn’t like about Andor is pretty common in most modern storytelling. There aren’t exactly good guys & bad guys, just shades of gray. Sauron was baaaaad. Frodo, Aragorn, Gandalf were good. Superman was good, Lex Luther was bad. Tony Stark is good, most of the time, kind of, but flawed and quite capable of bad.

There’s a scene in Andor, where Cassian Andor is rescuing Mon Mothma from the senate floor, and he shoots & kills several people. He does the same in Rogue One – to a person on the same side of the rebellion!!!

So, maybe I don’t like that, but I recognize that it is a far more accurate picture of war and human beings. No one is all good, all the time, no one is all bad, all the time. The white hats aren’t as pure as we’d like to believe, just as the villains aren’t as irredeemable as lazy intellectual convenience might suggest. The only real difference between sides in war is where you stand. These new creators aren’t as concerned with my desire (sometimes) for easy delineation. They write for realism, which sounds ridiculous to say in a discussion of a space opera. And sometimes I like that, too.

I’m just like everyone else, complex and often inconsistent. Maybe this stood out because, as far as I can tell, the show was primarily about this blurriness between the heroes and villains. Luther Rael was a terrific character, but can not be considered a positive, ethical role model, under any definition, yet was the slimy uncle of the beginnings of the rebellion. It wasn’t just a part of the story, it was the story.

The graduates, including my son, are becoming adults, and I have been witness to the great beauty and the sickening lows of humanity. In that way, they’re just like Andor. From where I stand, my boy is the hero, but I’m not so naive to think that he hasn’t been callous and cutting along the way. Maybe he’s said things he’s not proud of, done things he’d change if given the opportunity.

But what’s not like Andor is that this duality is NOT the story. The story is one of transcending that moral confusion to bring real positive change in the world around them. It is a detail that adds to the narrative but is not the narrative. The characters in Andor accept the fact that their methods are the same as their enemy’s methods, with no discernible desire for anything else. They do what they have to do, the ends justify the means.

And maybe they do. Maybe the Death Star has to be destroyed, and however we do it, whatever compromise we make, is worth it.

I happen to have been lucky enough to know these kids who walked across the stage on Friday, and I still see/feel the wide-eyed, wild-eyed hope of youth. They have not had their imaginations beaten out of them by life, just yet. They seem to know the Death Star needs to be destroyed, but have not acquiesced to the notion that we have to become our enemy to defeat it. They’re imperfect, and they are aware of the imperfection, but they’re beautiful in those cracks and flaws.

I believe them, I admire their souls, I want them to win. I think my son is Luke Skywalker – but not the Luke Skywalker caricature of the original trilogy that all fanboys defend, by any means necessary. He’s more like the Luke Skywalker of The Last Jedi. My boy is authentic and funny, wonderful and messy. He can fail, but will ultimately show up, stand up, and fight for you & me until he has nothing left. He’s capable of everything, he’s all that a Jedi Knight should be. Of course, he’s not perfect, but he’s certainly one of the good guys, and in his (and his classmates) hands, the universe will be alright in the end.

A journey towards living an inspired life of love in the modern world